Emotional Intelligence: Letting Go of the Past

Emotional intelligence is the ability to cope with everyday stresses, highs and lows, successes and failures. Sometimes, we have low emotional maturity due to the fact that we have had a difficult past. Our past is strong and emotional, so we allow it to affect us far too deeply. Suddenly, the past has leaked into the present and has taken a strong hold.

Now, when dealing with your past, you must learn to be completely honest with yourself and not allow it to define your present or future, but this will be difficult because of the emotional connection. At this point in time, be completely honest with yourself, sit down and feel the emotions or chain of emotions fully. If you need to grieve, grieve. If you need to be angry, be angry. If you need to tell someone how difficult they made your childhood and why, then do so -- just don't expect them to react positively to that sort of criticism.

After you are done feeling the emotions, which helps to clear your head so that you are not suppressing something which has not been addressed, you are ready to move forward. Hopefully, you will be cleared enough to be "cold-headed." To be cold in the head means that you see things logically, not based upon resentment or greed or emotions of any kind. Cold-headed means that you can see the world the way that it really is, without prejudice or assumption. You will be fair-minded and calculating -- until another strong emotion sweeps over you.

In a perfect world, you would be able to fully control any emotion, no matter how strong it is. However, this will take some time in the real world. Understand that the time and effort spent on getting control of your emotional reactions will be well worth it. You will gain a clarity and understanding that you have probably never experienced. Tasks will be simple and enjoyable, instead of something to dread and fuss over for long periods of time. Negative experiences will simply wash over you and be forgotten. First, though, you must address the underlying emotions of your current state of mind -- and then learn to think logically.