Emotional Intelligence: Your Reactions

Emotional Intelligence or emotional maturity can be measure by one thing: your reaction. Now, this is not to say that emotional intelligence equals your reaction, but the way you react to successes and failures in your life is a strong sign of your emotional maturity.

Because the two terms are not mutually exclusive, it is important to remember that you cannot gain emotional maturity simply by controlling your reactions. However, this is a great way to begin learning how an emotionally intelligent person acts. You must carefully consider how you do tend to react, and how a mature adult would react. This can come in many different forms. For example, if your spouse will not take you out to dinner this week and he already promised to do so, simply (and unemotionally) remind him of his promise. If he still does not want to go, then let it go and do something else. By letting it go, you are making yourself more peaceful and you will be easier to live with, as well. Sometimes, if your temper tends to flair up, your spouse may be concerned that you will behave this way in public. Another example is when your teenager comes in after curfew, with an attitude, no apology, and no repentance. You may be tempted to blow up at her, but if you cease to threaten and punish her, then you will realize that you cannot control her actions and that she will be more likely to listen to you if you treat her as an adult -- and adult you would not dare to parent for fear of losing their friendship.

Your reactions tell a lot about who you are and how you think. If you cannot control yourself from expressions of anger or gossiping or telling lies, then it is clear to everyone around you that you have not set boundaries for yourself or others, and that you would rather blame others than take responsibility for yourself. If you forgive easily (and without bitterness), you will find that others see you as reasonable, well-censured and kind. It is important to remember that boundaries go both ways, and that you must respect the boundaries and choices of others while still defining your own.