Emotional Survival Tips for the Holidays

Christmas comes but once a year, and for most adults, that's just fine. There is no other single day that brings with it the expectations that Christmas does. Take time to learn the survival techniques that will help you enjoy, not dread, the upcoming yuletide celebrations.

Lower Your Expectations

The largest single thing I have learned that helps me get through life, and especially the holiday season, is to lower my expectations. It didn't help that I had perfectionist tendencies -- and it won't help you, either. Learn to aim for excellence, but excellence by your standards. Don't let mass media determine for you the goals you have for the holidays.

I've come to expect that the people in my life and I myself will act the same on Christmas as we do any other day of the year. If brothers and sisters are squabbling the other 364 days of the year, it's likely not to be any different on Christmas day. I've learned not to compare my family and friends with Norman Rockwell depictions.

I accept the limitations of my financial situation, I accept that my table setting will never appear in home magazines and I accept that there will still be items I desire to own after the gifts have been opened.

Since I've been able to establish more realistic expectations of both myself and others, I find I am less often disappointed in the way things turn out. I also find I have more pleasant surprises in store for me.

Learn to Say No

I am a people pleaser by nature; there are other people like me. There are also many people who become more benevolent in their actions over the holiday season, extending themselves to their personal limits -- and beyond. Don't do it!

When I said "yes" to everyone who asked, I felt frazzled in no time. Sometimes I over-scheduled and wasn't able to meet all the obligations I had so willingly agreed to do.

Learn from my experience that when you try to please everyone else, you fail, and you fail to please even yourself. I intentionally schedule "free time" during each day, time when I have no obligations to anyone else. It felt selfish at first, but that feeling dwindled with time. I realized I had to have time to refresh and rewind. When I said "yes" to everyone who asked, I felt frazzled in no time.

Don't Compare Your Insides With Other People's Outsides

I used to think I was the only person I knew who felt anxious or depressed during the holiday season. The smiles I saw on other people's faces, the conversations about gift shopping and party planning caused me to think something was wrong with me when I felt less than cheerful.

The truth is, the family holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas is a time of increased suicides; there are many people who feel anything but "ho ho ho" during this time of year.

A colleague of mine cautioned me to not compare my insides with other people's outsides. I encourage you to consider to do the same. No matter what other people project as their feelings or station in life, you or I can never really know how they feel on the inside. They may be dealing with the same emotional demons as you, or something even darker.

Know that few people get through the holiday season without feeling anxiety or depression or stress at one or more points in time. If your feelings last more than a few days or you begin to feel hopeless, you should consider contacting a support person such as a clergyman, sponsor, family care provider or mental health professional.

Sources: Professional Experience as a Nurse for more than 30 years
Personal Experience