Empty Nest Depression Over Graduation and College Bound Child

When my daughter graduated and was accepted at a prestigious college I should have been on top of the world. Instead, I was filled with dread and deep feelings of empty nest depression. Just thinking about graduation and leaving my first born at college brought intense grief. It spurred a type of extreme sadness that I had a hard time explaining even to myself.

The depression over my empty nest really started around the holidays before my daughter even left high school. During Christmas, I started mourning each passing day as one lost. The very thought of graduation or college left me crying at the oddest times. The torment of my soon to be empty nest had me hiding a depression that should have been reserved for a tragic event.

The things done to prepare for a graduation and college bound child were all just painful reminders of my ticking clock of grief. Ordering of the senior pictures, invitations, and college orientation brought me one step closer in this empty nest countdown. Many of these events brought on deeper feelings of my depression and drove me into my closet to cry.

I felt like graduation and the move to college signified that my job as a mom was over. The depression of my upcoming empty nest left me feeling a sense of worthlessness and loss. Do not get me wrong, I was extremely proud and happy for my first born child. However, no matter how much pride and happiness I felt over her accomplishments, there was a cloud of depression just hanging to block out the sun.

I can remember running into a teacher that had known my daughter most of her school years.This teacher asked me, "Isn't it wonderful to watch them spread their wings and fly"? She was of course referring to the upcoming move to college. The emotion I felt over my empty nest was more heart breaking than wonderful but how could I admit this type of sadness and depression?

The day we dropped my daughter at college I struggled to keep conversation light. However, as my daughter stepped onto the college sidewalk, there was an inner turmoil I could no longer hide. I made my husband stop as I ran back to hug her one more time. Letting her go, and watching her walk away from me, had become the hardest moment I had faced since the fear and depression of an empty nest had set in.

For months I cried on my front porch hoping she would want to come home. The image of my first born walking away replayed in my head as I mourned the loss of a child. However, as time passed, I began to welcome the birth of a young adult. It was this realization that made me understand I was still needed as a mom, even if my nest was empty.

The duties of the second phase of motherhood were really not that different from the first. Love and guide them when you can, and hope that you gave them the knowledge to make the right decisions along the way. This new insight began to turn my empty nest depression around as it gave me a new purpose. Life goes on, and with it my new found role as a second phase mom!