Emptying the Nest: Preparing Your Child

As parents, we want what is truly best for our children. In the absence of a rulebook, we consider what our society has defined as success and try to mold our children to fit that pre-cast perspective. From pre-K to graduation, we plan for our kids to play soccer, dance, sing, and even try out for the debate team; however, reality tells us that kids are not the same and that some paths are not suitable for our teens. With graduations just around the corner, parents need to discuss and prepare their child or children for the world away from home.

College Bound

Years ago, Gallop took a poll of graduating teenagers and found that 85% of teens plan to go to college after high school. Many of today's parents and grandparents are baby boomers and were taught college was the only escape from blue collar life. As such, we prepare our children to go to college, but do little preparation for attending college.

While they may have the academic ability and glowing personal statements, college bound students need to know more. They need to understand money management, time management, self respect, and accountability. Senior year is not the time to start these lessons. Early intervention is the key. Starting young, parents should teach children about positive self, reputation, respecting others, and other foundations of good character. Lessons regarding responsible use of money and time can come as children get older and either volunteer, have jobs or even chores. Also, youngsters need to be taught that college is just a step in a long productive adult life and that there are many more challenges ahead.

Tech or Else

Not every kid is interested in college. And, some don't need it in order to have happy and productive lives. While not everyone can claim to have a Bill Gates or Mario Batali type futures, there are many career options, from culinary arts to information systems, that do not require college degrees. Some children who are not fond of high school or have special talents can opt for vocational, business and tech schools that would offer specialized training.

Parents should research programs and expose their children to the different options post graduation. Obtaining lists and visiting many of programs, such as Johnson and Wales or the ITT Tech centers may help you and your child map out a future plan.

The same as college, parents can't just start months before graduation. Discover what your teen likes to do- other than go to the mall and talk on the cell phone. Each child has a special gift. Foster your child's gift by encouraging them and supporting their interests. These steps will help you and your child set a stable and steady path.

Military Minded

Many young men and women find the military to be a glamorous option. While the Armed Forces are very different from what they were twenty and thirty years ago, the military is a very stable and rewarding career for many.

Whether entering as infantry or attending some form of Officer Training Course, young men and women can undertake the honorable position of defending their loved ones, while learning and developing special skills.

Many see the military as offering more than meals and cots. The new military offers in depth training in discipline, responsibility, service, and leadership. Many who serve often obtain incentives, which include job or hiring preferences and educational stipends.

For those teens interested in the military, you may want to sit down and really discuss things with them. The military has rules about everything from curfew to dress. Certain civil problems, such as drug and criminal charges, can prevent someone from being considered. Also, new recruits are expected to be in good physical and mental health. Good behavior in the community is the best way of being accepted in the military and once in, your teen can learn skills that will make them better and more prepared citizens.

Hollywood and More or Bust

We have all had, and may still have, Oscar, Emmy, Olympic or even Pulitzer dreams. Our kids may also. Some can sing. Some can run like the wind. And, others can write stirring prose or capture beautiful moments on film. There are niches for these goals for our teens. The goals can be supported through college programs, military service and even independent work.

The path to the Kodak Theatre, the Olympics or even Broadway are not straight and never as smooth as we would like them. Teens that dream of the bright lights and accolades have the most brutal realities to face; however, as a parent, you should encourage your child to pursue their dreams and be smart about it.

There are independent filmmakers, who also run video production companies. There are writers, who work in advertising and also hammer out the great American novel during the evenings. There are actresses who find success in local theatre and athletes who coach and train for competitions.

Many famous actors, writers, athletes and filmmakers sustained themselves on sparse meals and poor living conditions before "being discovered." For your talented teen, teach them that there are several levels of success. Also, expose them to avenues that satisfy their personal needs for expression, but also meet their basic needs for survival.

All Roads Lead to the "Nine to Five"

Whether college, tech, entertainment, or military, all our efforts are for our teen to find a job that satisfies them spiritually and personally, and allows them to maintain a financial life of their own. Adults don't typically grasp this point until they become parents. And, we did not grasp this life lesson until we realized our greater purpose and that was becoming a parent. That's why it's so important to show our children that our lives, as working adults, are happy, gratifying and hopeful. Through this ongoing lesson, our teens are excited about their own destinies.

When our children are born, we hope for their future. As they leave home and enter the world, we worry about their futures. Preparing your child for the world is the hardest and most rewarding part of parenting. Guidance, encouragement, honesty and observation will help each parent help their teen prepare for and discover their hopeful futures.