Encouraging and Reinforcing Positive Behavior in a Strong-Willed Child

Reinforce the behavior that you want in your child. There are different ways to reinforce positive behavior in a child. One way is with rewards such as candy or money. These have a limited response from your child but can work. Another way that will reinforce positive behavior is to give positive attention.

Reminders Help!

Rewards are often used to persuade a child in the right direction. "Remember you'll get a cookie if you sit quietly," is an example. This works only if the child wants the reward and if they will remember the reward when they get the thought to make their hand an airplane. When dealing with a strong willed child this has a little less effect. The strong willed child will want his way. Anything else flies out of his head as fast as it comes in. My Mother says, "In one ear and out the other." Reminding him of the reward has its limitations. If you gently ask him the rule that you set and what he will receive if it is kept, he has to think about it. This will cause him to make a choice. By stating the rule and the reward he will use more of his brain and he will remember it longer. Ask him a question to get him thinking.

Examples of questions: Do you want to have a messy room? What will you get after you clean your room? What is the rule about running in the house? What could occur if you run in the house? You must have forgotten to pick up your dishes.

Cookies?

Getting a reward every time that you go to the library for being quite will start to have an effect. At the same time your child will learn that the way to reward himself is to eat a cookie or buy something new. This may have a long-term negative affect along with the short term positive if it is the only form of rewards that you teach your child. Teaching your child that rewards can come from inside as well as the store will build a stronger desire to do what is right.

Rewards are from inside!

Teach your child that rewards can come from inside by giving them tasks that they can handle. After they finish ask them how they feel about finishing their project. Encourage them to say great, joyful, or pleased. Point out that they can feel that in their heart, while you point to your heart. Tell them that finishing a job and doing it well is pleasing and brings us joy. Another way to teach that rewards come from inside is to tell them how you feel about finishing a project. For example: "I'm so pleased that we finished the dishes."

Attention!

Smiling, laughing, and hugging have the greatest affect on both you and your child. You will affect your child's behavior using attention whether you want to or not. Everything that you do will teach your child how to act. When you smile at him tying his shoe it teaches: that is great. When you get upset after he breaks a lamp it teaches: that is not right. These are both what you want to teach your child.

Rewarding Negative Behaviors

Sometimes we encourage negative behaviors with rewards. For example: Your child asks for a cookie before dinner. You say not until after dinner. Then he cries saying that you are mean. You feel guilty and tell him that he can have half of the cookie. What did he learn? He learned that if he cries and makes you feel guilty that you will give in. Be careful to stick to the rules. If he is really hungry or supper is late you can give an alternate snack like a carrot or a piece of fruit.

So, What Do You Do?

Reinforce positive behavior.
Use a limited amount of cookies and money.
Remind them of the rules by asking a question.
Use rewards from you: smiling, hugging......
Set rules.
Teaching your child that rewards can come from inside.
Ask them how they feel about their finished project.
Tell them how you feel about finishing a project.

Leave your comments on what works for you.