Endless

Everyone's had times where they've had to hide. To turn away and wipe off the hot tears; we've all had to walk away. Unless we were the ones being walked away from. Once, someone walked away from me, and left me standing in what felt like the middle of the highway. Was I really that young? That naive, that dangerous? I suppose. His eyes were cloudy whenever he spoke to me, and the twist in the smile always gave way to lies; beautiful as they were. I can't believe I spent a single second in mourning for something that never truly manifested in the first place. Yet I did, I cried more than I ever had in my entire life. His voice had a hollow tone to it and all I could picture were all of the good times we'd never had. I celebrated his birthday by drinking enough alcohol to put a drunk to shame, and paid for it the next day/morning/night. All of my passion and motivation and hope and struggle, strife, tears, late nights were poured into trying to fix something that was (without sugar coating it) inherently fucked from the beginning.
It seems so long ago; it barely seems real. The memories are hazy and linger way in the background of my mind. Some days I don't think about it at all, other days I can't stop. But it's never in nostalgia. Always with a trace of sorrow in my own eyes. When I needed a friend he gave me a run for my money, and I spent it all like a kid at the arcade. I came home begging for more money only to find that my friends were strangers and he was a broken game. I remember staying up until four in the morning on the off chance that we'd reconcile, though we never did. And I have to say, that on nights like these, when once again I could use a friend, I'm almost sorry I'll never forgive you. Almost.

There's this light though, that keeps me endlessly happy no matter the circumstance. It shines through the heart of the night, and I think it always has. Through the sadness and the rough times, it's always been there.

In the underbrush of my days, it lay waiting for me to ask for direction. The light shines through his clear blue eyes, ones I'll look into for the rest of my life. It took me awhile to realize that they'd been there all along. That he had been there all along. Once just a friend, now so much more. This fountain of sorrow that used to be me has transformed into a fountain of light. And love.