Energy-Saving Tips for Dealing with Anger and Frustration

There's the one friend in your extensive network that irritates the permanent press out of your trousers. Dane Cook likes to call him or her, "The friend that nobody actually likes." Except this time around, you're the only one that finds fault with the person, and it's because at one time you were very close to them and found too many things that annoy you about them to stand being around them for more than thirty seconds. It's your partner that can't work five minutes with your constructive criticism without justifying himself. It's the guy went to your church and is still attached to you, but you've got your claws out and can't get far enough away. It's your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend who cheated on him and broke his heart, and now she disgusts you to look at. These sound familiar?

For the high stress American in today's society--no matter if you run a law firm, flip burgers at Mickey D's, or if you're still young and enjoying the benefits of your parents--little frustrations in others tend to eat away at our consciences and patience. Especially the people that you are--or in this case, were--close to and can't escape without severing other ties. No matter the angle you look at, too many things about them make your skin crawl and clash in an ugly way with your personality. Stress and daily life's frustrations only seem to make them look worse in your eyes.

So you decide to completely shut the person out of your life. Maybe you aren't brave enough to ignore them at every possible moment, but instead you make as much small talk as is polite, but as little to imbed the thought in their head that you have no room for them in your life. Or perhaps you can take it so far as to suddenly find the carpet fascinating when you pass them in a hallway, purposefully shut them out of your social network, and utterly ignore their existence. After all, they, however unknowingly, make your life unbearable because you struggle just to keep your tongue in check. So why not eradicate them from your life?

The first most obvious reason is because it is amazingly difficult, especially if the person is a part of your social network. A clean, lethal cut to relationship ties that connect you two is nearly impossible without telling them straight to their face you never care to see or speak to them again. An easy way out would be moving away from their vicinity; a different town, a nearby state, or an exotic country might be feasible if the situation is interminably desperate. But it's not, and you're also not that petty, right?

A second explanation involves your guilty conscience. Especially if the person was once very close to you, then suddenly you don't speak for three weeks, they will undoubtedly notice something is wrong. Unless they confront you--in which situation you'll have to swallow the truth and spout a lie about being "busy"-you'll be left with the guilt of knowing how much you hurt them. As often as you tell yourself you don't care about another person's feelings, you really do, and you know it.

In essence, you can't get rid of the people who drive you up the wall because it is far too difficult to cut them out of your life. Instead of pulling that move, try this instead.

Set aside a fairly extended amount of time, a week or three, in which you simply spend as little time around the person as possible. Try your very best to ignore the irritations brought on in their presence, even as hard as it may be to ignore the eczema that might break out on your right leg. During this period, try and forget why you believe you hate them, or even better, don't think about them at all. It is in this time that your brain and patience will heal themselves, grow a callous, and make you far more open and resilient. Think of how much time and energy you'll be saving, not to mention the stress brought to the people who listen to you complain, by just letting your anger go.

As soon as you believe you can return to being casual friends with the person, let them know. A simple, "I'm sorry. I just needed some time," will do nicely, because chances are they'll know exactly what you are talking about. Not only will your guilty conscience be relieved, but you'll make them feel much better about themselves.

So the next time you feel the anger rising at the back of your throat, the frustration crushing your fingers into white-knuckled fists, just remember the famed ten seconds before you speak. Take ten full seconds to breathe and focus on the job at hand, whether it's your company's advertising strategy or holding a brief conversation. They may look at you funny, but remember, you can handle it, because being frustrated is a waste of energy.

And we all know we could do with a little more energy in our lives.