Enhancing Relaxation by Learning from Failure

One problem that many anxiety-sufferers experience on an almost constant basis is perceived failure. The term perceived is used because many times when anxiety sufferers think that they have failed, they often in fact have done quite well or just about as well as any person could. A future article will cover what is realistic to expect in different situations, but this article will detail why failure is a necessary part of life, and how it can be productive, rather than counterproductive, for each person concerned.

Many anxiety sufferers, particularly those with the more severe anxiety levels, have a very legitimate basis for feeling like failures. Severe agoraphobics can never go outside to leave the house and complete fairly mundane tasks; the person with the severe case of social anxiety is unable to make friends, meet a girlfriend, or find that new job; finally, the individual with panic attacks may be unable to go to the mall, or to be in any area where many other people are at once because of fear of losing control.

One point to remember about failing is that everyone fails, and the real failure is the person who fails or refuses to learn from his or her mistakes and move on in life. Examples of great failure include former President Lyndon Baines Johnson's administration, whose goal it was to create a "Great Society" that had universal health coverage, but instead ended up dragging the nation into the Vietnam War; Michael Jordan was unable to win an NBA championship even though he was widely recognized as the best player in the league (it was not until he had highly talented teammates that he was able to win several NBA championships); Tiger Woods, believed to be the greatest golfer in history and with good reason, still loses most tournaments that he participates in (what makes Tiger great is that he wins the most often and consistently finishes high in the final standings). The point is that everyone fails, and that failure is a natural part of everyone's life.

What matters most is not whether one fails or succeeds in relation to his or her goals, but his or her response to a perceived failure. What separated Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods from the rest of the crowd? They used failure as a motivator, rather than as a tool to stop participating in the process of life. Rather than sitting home and sulking about failure, those who are wise know that failure is going to happen to everyone and that perfection is not possible; what failure means to a wise person is that things were simply approached in the wrong manner, or possibly, circumstances of which one was not aware or other things outside of one's control were able to set the situation up for failure. Those who are successful in life are able to believe that, "Things just did not work out for whatever reason. I guess that I will have to try something else." Despite failure, they keep trying, which is the wise thing to do. Those who are not successful in life and are trapped in a cycle of perpetual defeat believe, "Well, I guess that I am an idiot. There's nothing I can do to help myself out, so why try?" Thoughts that lead to self-defeat and inaction need to be challenged with thoughts that lead one to positive action in order to help one attain the goal he or she desires.

Everyone will fail, possibly hundreds of times before they finally see things working out. In fact, it is often said that those who are confident fail more than those who are unconfident (in terms of sheer numbers) because they are willing to take more risks.

Many of the chronically anxious feel like complete failures, and this article is not written to chastise them. But rather, this article is intended to give a healthier perspective on failure. Even though one may not have the basic things that others take for granted in life such as friends, family, a job, and the ability to go out in public, that does not mean that one is a failure. There is always time to try, and those who keep trying are rewarded. Maybe they are not rewarded right away, but all good things do come to those who continue to try in due time. So, the moral of the story is to use failure as a motivator, rather than a reason to stay at home and not try, because everyone who makes worthwhile attempts is rewarded in due time!