Enough with the Titty Talk

I just finished reading a second article on AC about breastfeeding in public and had a distinct sense of déjà vu. A feeling reminiscent of the one I had a few years ago when I read an excerpt from The Myth of The Perfect Mother by Judith Warner (published in Newsweek magazine) overcame me, and suddenly I had to grip the sides of my jaws to keep from grinding my teeth to bits. It troubles me, you know, that when I read the complaints from the contemporary mother I get so annoyed, and so I sat down and thought about what it is that pushes my buttons. Before you read on, please let me assure you that I in no way condone the mistreatment of mothers who choose to breastfeed in public, nor would I ever complain about it. However, I think there is another issue here that needs to be explored.

Becoming a mother is a wonderful and, needless to say, necessary blessing. However, expecting the world to confirm to the needs of you and your children is way beyond reasonable. The issue with breast-feeding isn't whether people like kids or find the human body offensive. It has to do with understanding what parenting is all about, and I don't think most people really get it.

For me, the choice is simple: I wouldn't breast-feed in public unless absolutely necessary. It isn't that I don't think it is natural, beautiful and healthy to breast feed a child and to allow other children to see this as well. It isn't that I think my breasts shouldn't be seen-they are really quite perky and attractive. I am practically a nudist, actually, and wear as little clothing as possible whenever I get the chance. I think the human body is a wonderful creation and that people who hide from it or find it offensive are seriously repressed and have some kind of issue, especially the religious ones. I would have no problem taking my friends to lunch at a nice restaurant, all of us naked as the day we were born, and chatting and eating and maybe even flirting with the waiter, who would be nude, too, except for a strategically placed apron courtesy of the Health Department. We'd all be having a grand time without a care in the world or a stitch of clothing to bind us. However, let one of my clothing-challenged chums pop her teat in her child's mouth during our outing, and I would immediately balk.

Why?

It's really very simple: time management problem. That's right. It isn't about any of the several reasons people always mention for not wanting to see breast-feeding in public. Too much flesh, too much noise, too much titillation (hey, there are some weird folks out there). It's that parents somehow can't figure out how to balance their parenting duties with the other parts of their personal lives, and quite frankly, I find it appalling.

The idea that people choosing to have children don't have a clue as to the responsibilities it will entail is shocking to me, and the only way to describe people who don't know that parenting is a tough gig is pathetic. How could they not know? Did these folks never see the sacrifices their parents made? I did. I didn't have to be told; I figured it out-when you have children, the world no longer revolves around you. How wrapped up in yourself to you have to be to miss that? As if that isn't bad enough, everyone has to sacrifice because these folks wanted to both have children and work-they want to "have it all" and everyone has to pay for it. This is not fair and getting worse. Those who are single or married without children are constantly discriminated against and forced to bear the burden of people in society who feel it necessary to breed, whether they know why they are doing it or not.

I have had the unfortunate experience of working with a colleague who was hired part-time to help out the full-time staff, but then she and her husband decided it was time to have a baby, so the full-time staff got to juggle their hours and struggle even more. But it was her right to work and have a baby. Unfortunately, it became my responsibility to pick up the slack for her, even though she had been hired to pick up the slack for me. What if I had wanted to have a baby because we now had some extra help? Too bad for me, I guess. Didn't get the sperm donation soon enough.

The women in my family worked and had children, and, yes, they appreciated it when they received much needed assistance that harried parents often need but don't get. However, they did not expect it-ever. Why? Because they made the choice to have children, and they didn't expect anyone else to relieve them of their responsibilities. They managed to raise families with little help, and it is sad to think what they could have done with the opportunities that seem to mystify the modern mother.

In some cases, women who have children have appealed to the federal government for relief at their jobs. It is almost like they are pointing out that they should get rewarded for breeding the next generation. To request that the federal government offer incentives to businesses, as if they don't already get enough tax breaks, to cater to the needs of women who decided they wanted to be mommies is distressing. I would love to see a tax incentive for people taking care of their aging parents or for people who volunteer in nursing homes or at shelters for people or animals. In other words, I would love to see some kind of program to help those who spend their lives helping others doing something that not everyone can do. Any idiot with a uterus can have a baby, and many of those who invoke this sacred privilege are idiots. But I don't see programs rewarding altruistic efforts, nor will I see programs that encourage people to stop having kids in an effort to stop overpopulation, and I never will, because the pipeline is too clogged with parent groups who constantly whine about how hard it is to raise a child, as if it is news to them.

In the workplace, single people or those married without children are often expected to volunteer to work overtime or special events so that those who have children don't have to, as if these singles and childless couples have nothing important to do with their lives. Maybe those people volunteer at homeless shelters or teach art to underprivileged youth-who would know? It's not trendy to complain about the lack of volunteers or the obstacles the elderly have to face. It is hip, though, to be a stressed-out, over-achieving, clueless parent. It is no wonder our nation is on the decline.

On a final note, when the children of the mothers in the excerpt get old enough and read Newsweek, won't they be surprised to discover what a burden they were to Mommy? Was it so important to these women to complain that they didn't think about what their kids would think later on? Maybe they don't plan to teach their kids to read (and they will of course blame the school systems) or maybe they will demand all the old issues of Newsweek be censored and burned (and blame the government for not protecting that foundation of America--the family--by sanitizing everything it can get its hands on). Or maybe they will grow up, get a clue, and have an apology ready and waiting.

Wouldn't that be nice?