Epiphanies of a Stay at Home Mom

Ever wonder what the life of a stay at home mom is like? Crazy. Every day, we learn new things about children - their tenacity, intelligence, lovability... And their ability to do things that are just baffling! Here is a funny - but true! - list of things I've learned while being a stay at home mom.

• Kids poop and pee WAY more than they get credit for.
  
• Getting 1 kid to nap on a schedule is amazing. Any more than that you need divine intervention.
  
• There are about a billion places for kids to hide... Leave them alone for two minutes to find out.
  
• Kids are way smarter than adults think. They're just waiting for the moment to unleash it. When they do, it's almost never in a way that adults consider constructive, and usually ends up in a giant mess or something broken.
  
• Never teach kids things before they ask. Genitalia, and sex information are things to NEVER teach a kid until they are old enough to know how to keep their mouths shut.
  
• When a child asks you a question that is going to result in a thousand more questions if you answer it truthfully, lie. Lie, lie, lie. Seriously, because it will save you at least 30 minutes of your life you will not get back. Consider it a favor.
  
• Buy toys that a kid can play with on their own. I hate: dolls that have to be dressed, barbies, paints, and anything else that I constantly have to supervise. A sure-fire way to get on my sh!t list is to buy one of these gifts for my child.
  
• When a child wants to 'help', just let them do it. They end up crying for longer than it would take to just let them touch whatever it is.
  
• If the kids are being quiet, they are DEFINITELY tearing something up. Probably something really important. Kids can sense this and immediately are drawn to necessary objects for the sole purpose of DESTROYING them.
  
• If in doubt, always go with the option that will lead to the most quiet and happy outcome.