Epiphany of a Recovering Drug Addict

I did not want to be a high grandmother. Although the courts gave me added incentive to be compliant with a treatment plan, it has been solely my own choice to not use methamphetamine since August of 2007.

My granddaughter is almost six months old now, and I am certain that when she reaches the age of five years old, I will be able to say "I have been clean for five years." The extreme difference between the person I am on methamphetamine and the sober person I am today can be clearly seen. I am gainfully employed and no longer using or dealing drugs.

My treatment plan is to attend UAB Drug Free classes three days a week, attend three NA meetings a week, meet as often as possible with my counselor for one-on-one counseling, and submit to weekly and random urinalysis tests.

I believe my counselor, Stephanie Parent, to be a true miracle worker. She expects a great deal from me but inspires the desire in me to recover. The other women in my Drug Free Group give me no slack either and expect me to stay clean. They cry with me, laugh with me, and work hard toward living a sober life.

Crying in front of others is not something I would have ever done before attending the group. Now, as the hardened shell slowly lifts and others listen and relate with their own experiences, I find myself trusting others in a way I have not done in many, many years.

They accept me for the strung-out monster of a mess that I once was, accept me for the transitional-like recovering addict that I am now, and accept me for the giant recovery tool that I wish to become in the next few years. They truly accept me for who I am, and understand why I made the choices I have made in my life, the good and the bad. They are beautiful parts of my life now, ironically, a life which I fought hard not to have to live for too long.

I believed recovery was like a punishment for my criminal sins. If you were caught with drugs on you or if you break the law, the courts send you to prison or rehab, both of which were like sentences of sobriety to me. But I was wrong.

The Alternative Sentencing case workers believe there are alternatives to prison - "Duh!" Doesn't it just figure that I always saw them as just another part of the court system, a system which misunderstood and punished drug addicts like myself?

I have been thinking in the same mode of thought for so long that anything or anyone who may come between me and being able to get high was suddenly and permanently my sworn enemy. I also truly believed that meth was just too difficult to get away from, though I wrote so many articles and pieces on the recovery of meth addicts - not many people knew about my real life battles every day with the drug. I am so very happy to have learned that meth use can truly be a thing of the past for me.

At The National Methamphetamine Drug Conference (ONDCP), Dr. Richard Rawson stated, "I think we sometimes underestimate our patients. At the Matrix Institute, we have reviewed the treatment of more than 1,000 methamphetamine users. Many are recovering and lead productive and fulfilling lives. In the follow-up data, more than 150 methamphetamine users achieved an excellent recovery rate. Treatment of the methamphetamine user is not a hopeless condition. The brain changes that occur are, for the most part, reversible over time, and people do become productive."

Though my granddaughter, Lexi, will not be aware at age five that her grandmother is secretly celebrating five years clean from methamphetamine, she will know that nothing can prevent her Mimi from watching her blow out the candles on her birthday cake.