Escaping Abuse: The Long Walk Across the Pasture

Things had not been going well between my husband and me. In fact, we had already divorced, but had reconciled for the sake of the kids. My mom's health had taken a turn for the worst, so I was spending my nights at her house, going to my house to cook, clean and grab quick showers before heading off to work each day.

Jeni and David were at home while our oldest son, Brian, had a house in town. Brian was headed into the military in September so he was grown, in my opinion. That left Jeni, 16 and David 14, at home.

My parents had divorced when I was 12 and I still carry scars from coming home from school to find my father cleaning out the closet. I always hated that they divorced, but I did understand the reasons behind it. It seemed ironic that I now found myself doing to my children what my parents had done to me. I kept trying to make things work with my ex. We had split up and reconciled twice before that fateful last event.

It had been a long week. My ex was home most of the time. He did not have a job, or goals, or any ambition left. He was just there. I spent my time at work and taking care of my mother going home to tend to the kids before heading out again. I actually could not stand to be in the same house as him, but I wasn't going to hurt my kids by sending their father away.

It is amazing what one will put up with for the sake of their kids. I have had many conversations with people since that fateful night. Most men wonder why a woman would stay with such an abusive person. They cannot understand that a woman does what she thinks is best for her children, not for herself. I had been the child whose father packed up and left. I did not want to put my children through that ordeal, so my ex stayed, much longer than he should have.

My ex had always shown extreme mood swings. I remember walking into the house from my mom's house which was a quarter of a mile across the ranch. Brian had the family car in town and the ranch truck was not working at the time. I still do not know what set him off that night. I was doing what I had done every night before, cooking dinner and seeing to the kids when he started in, "You are a slut, a whore." He slammed out of the room still screaming obscenities while I just stood there in shock.

David was in his room and Jeni was taking a shower. I took a deep breath and shrugged it off, just like I had a hundred times before. I had never cheated on the man in any way and I knew I was not the type of person he had just accused me of being.

I did manage to go outside into the cool spring air. I definitely needed some space before I went in to finish my chores. He was in the bedroom. I could hear him yelling obscenities and throwing things around. I still was not sure what set him off.

Jeni came into the kitchen moments after I did. She was already dressed and looked much more mature than any 16 year old girl had a right to look. She saw the tears pouring down my face and knew what was causing it.

I did not try to approach my ex. There wasn't in use in it. He came back into the living room, still screaming obscenities. I looked at my daughter and shook my head, "I have got to get out of here." Jeni nodded and that was when I saw that she had a change of clothes in her hands. She stuck to my heels as I made my way down the hall to the back door. There was no way I could have left her behind, even if I wanted to.

As I passed David's room I stopped short. The young man was sitting on his bed, tears coursing down his cheeks, listening to everything his father was saying about me. "David, I am going to Grandma's. Want to come?"

David had his shoes on before my sentence was finished. Together the three of us exited the back door into the night. I put my arms around each of them as we started on our hike across the pasture. "We will be alright." I said.

David's hands were clenched into tight fist, "If I was bigger, I would take a baseball bat to him." He wiped away the tears, his anger nearly overwhelming him.

It was in that moment that I realized that my kids were better off without their father in their life. Though he had never hit me, the verbal abuse was escalating and the mental abuse was something I am still trying to get past. For my kids to see their father try to tear down my character and to shout such lies about me was the final straw. I was free, both in my heart and in my mind, from any more abuse. I did not have to take it. My kids did not need me to take it. I was finally and forever free of the abusive relationship.

As we three walked across the pasture in the dark, I never once looked back. I never will.