Ethical Speech and Lashon Hara

Ethical speech-- cleanliness in speech and respect for one's neighbor-- is not a denominational concept; it is a basic factor in human dignity.

While many dismiss this altogether, others overlook it by assuming that quotes such as Leviticus 19:16 ("Do not go about as a talebearer among your people") mean that anything one can attach "but it is true!" to is fair-game.

The teachings in Torah cover all harmful and/or negative speech, whether what is being passed is a lie, the truth, or somewhere in the indeterminate middle-ground of uncertainty. "You shall not wrong one another" (Lev. 25:17) covers communications which would cause anger, insult, or loss of personal reputation to the person being discussed. Lashon Hara is defined as "any derogatory or damaging communication, whether true or false;" and similarly connected to this subject, is Rechilut-- "any communication that generates animosity between people, inciting hatred and/or resentment."

To many, this type of communication is considered nothing more than common social interaction, with little if any consideration as to the consequences on those whose reputations are being challenged, generally in their absence. Every locale has its own name for such communication-- some call it "visiting," others call it "sharing," some call it "gossip;" yet they are all the same. Similar to the childhood rhyme "Sticks and Stones"-- but insults, gossip, cruel words do hurt people.

As Catechism of the Catholic Church states: "Respect for the reputation of persons forbid every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury; Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation, and to respect." Talebearing, whether one's point is to actively harm a person or to make oneself appear "big" by making someone else look "small" to others, not only diminishes the status of the person being gossiped about, but also diminishes the quality of the talker-- in other words, cutting someone else down does not enhance your own status, but rather shows you yourself as foolish, vindictive, spiteful.

In Torah, those who make talebearing and other unethical speech a general part of their daily lives are known as ba'alei lashon hara-- masters of unethical speech. The Sages taught that while murder, adultery, and idol worship are three of the worst evils, Lashon Hara is equivalent to all three, in that it is so damaging and destructive.

While Lashon Hara is clearly never in anyone's best interest, Rechilut has even more negative implications, as using unethical speech to bring negative attitudes and actions onto another person by means of gossip such as "I don't like Joe. Joe is/did something. Therefore you should not associate with Joe either," attempts to destroy the very important sense of community which all people need and deserve.

Lashon Hara harms a person on both his own emotional level and his social levels. When the anonymous "Joe" is spoken of in a negative manner, he is then in a position of having to defend himself against someone's attitudes-- quite frequently not having that opportunity, when the talk is done without his presence. As Catechism clearly words it: "Everyone should observe an appropriate reserve concerning persons' private lives."

When you speak of someone in his absence, first consider if what you wish to say is the truth; if in doubt, leave it out. If you are absolutely certain that it is indeed true, ask yourself if it may result in harm to the person-- his reputation, his right to his own personal privacy, or his relationships with other people. Next, ask yourself what you stand to gain by passing along this information-- if your motives are less than honorable, you will be diminishing your own status even more than "Joe's."

Perhaps also consider what most of us were taught as children: "If you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all."