Ethically Undecided, but Not Indifferent

Without a doubt the ethical issue that I am most passionate about is Abortion or the question of whether pro-choice or pro-life is more ethical then the other. However, my passion is not derived from a strong belief in any particular side of the argument. I have passion for this issue for two reasons. One is for personal reasons involving my own family, which is how I first took interest in the subject. The second is the fact that I struggle coming up with an answer, and it bothers me since this is such a personal subject for me, I feel like I should feel strongly towards one side. This is not the case. I have spent long hours thinking of how I would feel either way if members of my family had made different decisions, yet I still cannot decide which scenario would have been the most ethical, or even which situation would have benefited more people. The latter part is interesting to me because this is one way I define something that is ethical. Often times we cannot come up with a true answer as to what is ethical. Usually this is because people's beliefs are drawn from many different areas. However, a more utilitarian way to look at this is to ask which of the two sides, pro-choice or pro-life, benefit more people.

Truly you can say that abortion is murder. This is an understandable argument, since you are exterminating a potential human being. However, one argument against this is if we consider this murder, we may also consider birth control of any kind murder, since this is also exterminating a potential human being. Although, it seems that as a society we draw the line at when a woman has been confirmed pregnant. There is the argument for pro-choice that some families are not suited to raise a child and therefore the child will live a miserable life. Also, women may be victims of rape. Everyone has heard the arguments for both sides. I believe that life of any kind is better then death. This is something that cannot be proved, but as a society we tend to agree with this. So far, it may seem that I lean towards pro-life, but I suppose if I leaned any way it would be towards choice. If abortion was outlawed than my life as I know it today would be greatly different, or even non-existent. So for selfish reasons, it is hard for me to be completely pro-life. I also think there should be choice for women because mistakes are made. However, I also think that men should have some say in abortion as well. In a perfect world there would be no need for abortion, but we don't live in this world. Life or choice. Is it bad to be undecided on ethical issues, or is it simply a viewpoint that allows for better understanding?