Euthanizing a Pet: Should Children Be Present?

The decision to euthanize a suffering pet may be the most difficult decision a pet owner has to make. If the pet owner is also a parent, they also have to decide how involved their children should be in the euthanasia. Many factors come into play: the age of the child, the personality of the child and their relationship to the pet, the physical condition of the pet, and the policies of your veterinary hospital. In most cases the involvement of the children in the euthanasia process isn't an all or nothing choice. You can make arrangements that best meets the emotional needs of your family while ending the suffering of your pet.

Most people consider their pet a part of the family, so it's natural for the whole family to be involved when the times comes to euthanize. However, in many cases this may not be the best choice.

Let me begin by describing what happens at a pet euthanasia. The standard method is to inject a euthanasia solution directly into a vein. The euthanasia solution is essentially a massive overdose of an anesthetic, so the pet literally falls asleep without any more pain than the initial needle poke, (or sometimes a catheter will be placed) depressing and eventually stopping heart function. Once the injection starts, the process takes only seconds.

Commonly, the animal may take a few deep breaths before breathing stops. They can make a sound like a cry at this stage, but it is just the breath passing through the vocal cords. They are too deeply sedated to make real vocalizations. The bowels and bladder may empty as the muscles relax, or the limbs may twitch as the last nerve impulses fire. None of these things are signs pain or the animal 'fighting to live', but it can be confusing or hard to see if you aren't prepared. Sometimes, none of these things happen and the animal simply relaxes into death. There is no way to predict beforehand how the euthanasia will go, and any variation is normal.

I am not a child psychologist, and I certainly don't know your individual child well enough to make this decision for you. What I can offer is over 10 years of experience in veterinary medicine, having assisted in hundreds, possibly even over a thousand pet euthanasias. I am also a mother of young children, and owner of chronically ill cats.

Before you consider if you want your child to be present at the euthanasia of your pet, you need to decide if you even want to be present yourself. This is a personal decision, and you should not feel pressure one way or another from anyone. I have seen family members try to force participation form others who were very uncomfortable being involved in the euthanasia process. Because of the nature of the drugs used, your pet will be unaware of your presence at the moment of death. If you want to be present for your own grieving process then that is a valid decision, but your pet will not suffer any greater upset if you decide against being in the room during the euthanasia.

Just as no one has the right to force you to be present at the euthanasia of your pet, you shouldn't force children to be involved. If you have an older child who is capable of making an informed decision for themselves, that decision should be respected.

From my experience, having young children present for a pet's euthanasia isn't a good idea. Sometimes parents want the child to fully understand that the pet is gone, or want to give them the chance to say goodbye. Most often, the parent is in such grief that they want all their family around them to share their misery. Young children don't fully understand the concept of death, let alone the more complex idea of euthanasia. Having them present won't change that fact. A child can easily become confused about what is happening, or upset seeing their parent in despair.

A simple explanation at home is more appropriate for a young child. When the pet is no longer around, the child will begin to understand that they are gone. Although don't be surprised if they ask where the pet is many times before they remember that he is dead. According to J.W.Worden PhD, a hospice expert, it is important to be honest with children about death. He advises to be careful not to say the animal "went away" or "was put to sleep" because it could cause fear of separation or of sleeping.

Older children, up into the preteen years begin to have a better understanding of death, and may be ready to be involved if you and they agree. Not every child will be ready at the same age. You will need to make a judgment call based on your knowledge of your children. If you decide that you will allow them to attend the euthanasia it's a good idea to explain the process to your child to help prepare them, or ask your veterinarian to do so if you are unfamiliar with the policies at your veterinary office.

Teens and above, while immature in many regards, can usually be treated as an adult in this situation, and decide for themselves if they want to participate. They will go through a grief process nearly identical to an adult, and having some control of their involvement may help them mourn. If they have any emotional issues that would prevent them from making this decision, then by all means, you should step in and assist.

There is one other option that many veterinarians offer that may offer a compromise between being present for the euthanasia, and dropping your pet off at the clinic and leaving. Your veterinarian may be able to give your pet an injection of a sedative that allows them to slowly fall asleep with you and your family, and give the finial injection that will cause death later, after you leave. This can allow you and your children to say your goodbyes, see your pet fall asleep and relax from pain. Your pet's last memories will be of your family, while sparing you and your children from witnessing the actual death.

If the sedation option appeals to you, it is best to call your veterinarian beforehand to ask if they will allow it. Every veterinary hospital has it's own policies regarding euthanasia. They may need you to make your appointment at a specific time of day to accommodate the amount of time a procedure like this will take.

Being present for the death of a pet is something that many adults, and even more children simply can't handle. Knowing what you can expect, and your child's emotional maturity level are important factors in your decision. Whatever you choose, remembering your pet as a family, and sharing your grief for your beloved pet with each other at home, can help children and adults alike through this painful time.