Every American Girl's Pregnancy is My Concern, from Now On

I don't care whether you American girl lives among Polar Bears and antlered moose in the Alaskan wilderness or among Burmese Pythons and gators in the Florida Keys.

From this week on, your pregnancy becomes this far away, patriotic New Yorker's concern too, even at this age ripe enough to be a granddad.

As a man who lead the "highest moralistic" life all my life, I never set my eyes on women. Like all my fellow Americans.

And human propagation in America all along was through water pollination in swimming pools. And now come these Alaskans with new ways of impregnation?

And from 2012, every vice-presidential candidate will have to answer this query in their vetting questionnaires:

"Is any of your daughters pregnant?"

A very important question as our Constitution expressly bans pregnancy in any family member of election contestants. If it is not there, probably our forefathers forgot to put it in there. We will do it for them. It is our pristine duty.

As for young men, don't think you have escaped our scrutiny.

What you do with your organs is part of our concerns too.

Soon you will be required to wear chastity belts until the age of 21.

You will have to pay for a license and the money will go to Presidential Election Fund. And a manual too will be printed on how to behave when you meet girls until the age of 21.

Hereafter, mothers won't be allowed to contest in Presidential elections. And if they get pregnant in the White House, they will be impeached.

I heard even female celebrities telling on the View that a mother has no place in running the country. That is OK. Because if women say things against women, a male has nothing to say against it. It even makes things easier for him to flunk women's rights altogether.

I think we should seek the advise of His Holiness the Dalai Lama on how to do things like this the Tibetan way without all this trouble!