Everything Changes: The Marginalization of Rock and Roll

What a couple of years it's been. While recently roving the earth in search of supplies, I happened into a Ralph's Grocery store and darted about; this way and that. When I got everything I needed, I hit the self-checkout lanes and was on my way before you knew it. It was March; early March and while ordinarily early March means blistering winds, chapped lips, late season colds, and nor'easters, there were no such things this day. I was in my favorite plaid/flannel shorts and my requisite plaid/flannel shirt. Differing color schemes and patterns ("duh!") and of course these were items of clothes worn to their bones. The shorts were newish but I'd worn them day in, day out for months so that they fit right in with my overall M.O.

As I said, grocery store and I was on my own. Typically when it's me and the wife we'll lazily stroll the isles; laughing at the absurdity of life as the bustling bustle by. When she is not with me I am with them; I just want to get what I need and get the heck out. It was a Friday so the weekend crowds had made this Ralph's swell in the late afternoon haze.

I rang myself through and bolted for the door; when I noticed the song on their Muzak. "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away." Hmm, that's nice. My mother in law really likes the Beatles; the song reminded me of her. But, wait, who's that singing? Eddie Vedder?

Flashback: 18 years ago. Here I was; a testosterone driven 13 year old; high on myself, pissed off at everything around me. Wearing larger and larger clothes (my mom would scowl at me whenever I bought something too big; today, my wife begs me to wear a MEDIUM.), coming into my own as a public speaker, debater, and admittedly crudely prolific writer. Also began to ditch The Who and Phil Collins that my dad always had on the HiFi and had been migrating towards this "grunge" movement. One band in particular had piqued my interest; garbled voice, trashed out image, long hair, neatly rocked out four and a half minute songs; they were like an awakening for me.

Pearl Jam was not the most hardcore music I listened to (I had friends into metal) and were certainly not the most self-destructive musicians of the moment (one of my best friends was all about Axl Rose) but they were far and away my favorite band for the time. Their energy was great, their sound was original, their style was something for me to emulate, and lead singer Eddie Vedder's lyrics were incoherent garble. I loved it!

So who would have imagined that the next 18 years would have taken them from unknown garage band to respected musicians to Muzak favorites? Shudder to think. What about their pissed off image? What about their fans? What about me? But in a way, this is always what happens to musicians; they either drive themselves into obscurity (like Axl Rose), they OD and die or they become assimilated. Or the tastes of the masses change to accept their sound. After all, the Muzak programmer is probably somebody my age who ditched The Who and Phil Collins in lieu of Pearl Jam. Besides, Eddie Vedder had survived; the band hadn't killed themselves or each other, so why not let them cover Beatles classics for Muzak?

In a way we all end up marginalized; not fulfilling our ideals for ourselves, just being everyday and ordinary. Which is better than holding onto hoop skirts or pissing away everything on Crack and Meth; I guess. But what does any of it mean? Why this journey in our lives where we have to go through all this angst and all this crap just to admit to ourselves and to the world through our sissy-waisted actions, that everything our parents told us was right? You will conform; you will fit in; it's inevitable! All the prolific garbage from our youth is just nonsense; move to Long Island. Your dreams of New York City super-stardom are gone; why don't you get work in Connecticut. Stop living your life the way you always dreamed; Charleston is a great place to raise your kids.

That's even what that very song is about! The Beatles got it 40 years ago. Repress your feelings, quell your dreams, admit to nothing. You've got to hide your love away.

What happened to our lives? Eddie Vedder hasn't sung it yet, so I might as well: Been a long time since I rock and rolled. Will the excited potential ever return?