Everything I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From South Park

Over the past 11 years or so, I have been taught many things, by many different people; teachers, parents, society as a whole, but the only things I really ever needed to know, I could have learned just from watching Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brain child, South Park. Now, I'm sure you've all heard of the show, and many of you may even watch it on a regular basis, but how many of you actually realize how much you have learned from watching it? In honor of its eleventh season, which just started to air a couple of weeks ago, let's sit back and take a gander at just a few of the things that Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski, and Stan Marsh have taught us from a little mountain town in Colorado.

Corporate America may not be as bad as we all thought. Many people believe that they are only out to service themselves and make a buck. It turns out, though, that people may be slightly off-base on their feelings of hate towards corporate America; as pointed out in an episode where a new, big, corporate coffeehouse, Harbuck's, plans on moving into South Park and drive local Tweek's Coffee right out of business. As the town mobs up to defend Tweek, they realize exactly how bad his coffee really tastes compared to Harbuck's. The moral: Big companies got where they are for a reason - their products are usually quality products.

Corporate America can be bad. This may sound contradictory to the last lesson, but some cases just need to be taken one by one. Take the case of the super-mega-conglomerate shopping center where everything is dirt cheap. I am, of course, talking about Wall-Mart, the huge supercenter store that was opening in little old South Park. The town that was originally happy and proud to have their very own Wall-Mart quickly realized that it may not be the best thing since sliced bread for them as every store in town closes and the townspeople are forced to work at the new store and live in poverty. Until, that is, Kyle and Stan find a way to destroy the goliath that has ruined their town. The moral: Just because a store has the cheapest prices, doesn't always mean it is the best value.

What Scientologists really believe. Famous Scientologists recognize Stan as being the second coming of their religion's founder, L. Ron Hubbard, and anoint him as their new spiritual leader. Stan is let in on the creation story behind Scientology (aliens from another planet's spirits inhabit us and a giant spaceship is going to show up and take us all away someday), and even their deep dark secrets. The moral: Scientology may not be a great religious choice for everybody.

Curse words are called that for a reason. We all learned why some words are just not meant to be spoken all the time and should, therefore, be banned from TV. These 'words of curse', or curse words, can do major damage when thrown about haphazardly. A popular cop drama gets everybody to start using one word in particular and causes a plague to sweep across the country and take South Park under its hold. This causes the Knights of Standards and Practices to come to the aid of the town. The moral: Running around swearing all the time is just not a good thing to do.

What have we learned this season? That words can, in fact, hurt. Stan's dad realized this when he uttered a racial slur on television and everybody branded him with a slur of his own. Being called the 'N' Guy made him feel ashamed and pained him so much that he publicly apologized to social leaders, and on TV, to make up for his mistake. The moral: Names and slurs can do damage to people.

This article was written, as is the show it's about, very tongue-in-cheek. The message still stands though. Just because something is considered 'low-brow' or 'toilet humor', doesn't mean it should be written off immediately. You may be surprised of what you find when your mind is open. I hope today's lesson was enjoyable for the whole class.