Examining Tolerance

Many people are "proud of their tolerant behavior, but what does that really mean? Should we be proud of such a characteristic in ourselves? A comment on one of my articles has revived a debate that I have long since fought with sociologists and well meaning people everywhere.

First, we should look at the root word: "Tolerate." Tolerate means, - to put up with, to turn a blind eye to, to allow to exist without confrontation. Thus, someone who is "tolerant," is allowing others to exist without directly opposing them. To illustrate this point further, I encourage you to think about the following sentences. "I can't tolerate the pain anymore." "I've been tolerant of your behavior, but my point of tolerance is severely being tested."

Neither of these two sentences denotes an enjoyment of the situation. They are void of respect and compassion. Thus, we can safely say that to be in a state of toleration is unwanted, uncomfortable and most generally static. This is to say that being tolerant is exercising some self control over one's emotions. It also suggests that such a characteristic is temporary and continues to be tested.

Let's consider this meaning for the social service sector. I had a friend remark to me the other day, "I'm tolerant of other races and religions." After my momentary experience of nausea, I tried to explain this word. Tolerance does not infer any respect. In fact, it denotes an adversarial relationship that they have decided to avoid rather than confront. In addition, their tolerance has unspoken boundaries. The relationship of the tolerant person and the one being tolerated is not one of reciprocal compassion and understanding. This word "tolerant," also implies that when these boundaries are crossed, the tolerant person will abandon this course of action. Because of this dichotomous relationship, the tolerant is always seen as admirable because, in theory they are tolerating something that heretofore, was not tolerated and in some instances, should not be tolerated. Thus, the tolerant receives recognition for their benevolent behavior. The tolerated person is still on the margin of society and should be grateful for any congenial behavior that is offered by their generous benefactors.

In actuality, I believe that they are using the word correctly, because they are probably only tolerating those who are different than themselves. I only wish that they would stop using the word "tolerant," to imply respect and a genuine like and understanding of people who are not similar to them in either physical or religious nature. To all of you tolerant people, you will not get my applause or admiration. You are the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing and (from a blind woman) I've heard your howl.