Excellence Vs. Perfection: Every Parent Should Recognize This Fine Line

I had a pleasant talk with my son's teacher during our parent-teacher conference this afternoon. She said that there is no specific area that she thinks that my son needs to really work on. Her only concern is that my boy might be putting undue stress on himself. He has the tendency to want things to be always accurate and correct.

The teacher informed me that we both need to address this concern, and that she would be going to look for some literature on "taming perfectionism".

I do not know if I would put blame on myself with the way is turning into. I am wondering if I have been too pushy as a mother, especially when it comes to his school-related tasks. I do tell him often that it always good to be the best that he can be in his endeavors. Other than that, his Tae Kwon Do instructor is also an advocate of excellence. He constantly reminds his students of the meaning of precision and accuracy in their forms and moves.

Am I guilty of teaching perfection instead of striving for excellence? In the first place, am I clear with how these two words actually mean?

I tried to do a little research to help me with this concern of mine. The answer came in a poem, whose author seems unknown. It gave a crystal clear definition of the words excellence and perfection-- words that appear somewhat similar, but actually differ in essence.

Excellence is willing to be wrong.
Perfection is being right.

Excellence is risk.
Perfection is fear.

Excellence is powerful.
Perfection is anger and frustration.

Excellence is spontaneous.
Perfection is control.

Excellence is confidence.
Perfection is pressure.

Excellence is journey.
Perfection is destination.

I feel a bit ashamed to realize how wrongly I am be guiding my own son. But it is a good realization that inspires me to correct my own mistake.

The poem teaches that excellence is like an end goal of a challenging but fulfilling journey. To reach it, one takes risks but allows room for error in order to correct. Whether a child or an adult, when risk is taken, there should be awareness that the way could be difficult and even painful. So, be it in sports, academics, or a profession, there should be readiness for a degree of failure, because this is human nature and this is reality. But everyone should be optimistic that the mistakes could be mended or corrected.

Maybe this is the reason why some people who admit that they are perfectionists are stressed out and are seen to be high strung. They tend to impose very high standards on themselves and on others, and may not be open to mistakes. In effect, the goal may seem unrealistic, therefore they often end up frustrated, and even confused.

Excellence breeds spontaneity and more willingness to grow. It is a very positive disposition because it allows a person to extend its horizon further. Therefore there is a need to avoid rigidity, and of putting undue pressure.

Now it is clearer to me that I can guide my son to learn and discover things with spontaneity and confidence. It is important that he keeps in mind the reality that he is human, and in the learning process, he could commit mistakes and it is just ok to commit mistakes. Like a long summer road trip, attaining excellence is a long path to take. But he can do it with patience and perseverance, and I can hold his hand while his journeys-- until he is ready to be on his own.