Excising the Patriotism from G.I. Joe

When it was announced that G.I. Joe would become a live action film, to be directed by Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, Van Helsing), a lot of boys of all ages took cheer. That joy turned to dread upon reading the following:

"The studio's live-action feature film version of G.I. Joe will no longer revolve around a top-secret U.S. special forces team but rather an international operation.

"In a follow-up to their confirmation that Stephen Sommers will direct G.I. Joe, Variety offers this new description of the team: 'G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer. The property is closer in tone to X-Men and James Bond than a war film.'"

G.I. Joe based in Brussels? It gets worse when one finds out why this change is thought necessary.

"Hasbro and Paramount execs recently spoke about the challenges of marketing a film about the U.S. military at a time when the current U.S. administration and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are at a low-point in global polls. When a studio makes a film as expensive as G.I. Joe will likely be, they want to know that as many people as possible around the world will want to see it. In other words, G.I. Joe - 'A Real American Hero' -- is a tough sell."

In other words, Hollywood proposes to excise the patriotism out of a patriotic icon in order to satisfy audiences in Paris and Cairo, regardless of what audiences in Peoria and Dallas might think.

One suspects that the toughest sell for "G.I. Joe - A Real American Hero" is not in the international market, but rather in Hollywood itself. The paucity of patriotic films coming out of tinsel town would tend to suggest a paucity of-well-patriotism in the film community. In this sense, the purveyors of popular culture are out of step from those who consume it.

Here follows some unsolicited advice to Mr. Sommers, who has proven he can make cool movies that appeal. Ignore the gooey sensibilities of those who want to neuter G.I. Joe and take your inspiration from G. I. Joe's roots, which is unabashedly pro American. Those roots date back not only to the 1980s, when American super soldiers did battle against the evil COBRA, but even to the 1960s, when the original World War II action figures first came out.

Hollywood is always praising product that it considers "cutting edge." The sad thing is that a film that does suggest that America is not only good, but great would not only be cutting edge, but a little too edgy for folks on the Left Coast. But I can assure one and all it will be widely appreciated, I suspect, in places where one would be surprised.

One more thing. Don't make Cobra Commander, that lovely, insane, diabolical megalomaniac a Scotsman. Make him an Islamo Fascist. Really rub it in what G.I. Joe is really about, which is American heroes smiting the evil doers. And in this era, those evil doers are the Islamo Fascists. The sound of heart attacks and strokes among the glitterati will be drowned out by the standing ovation of audiences everywhere.