Exercise Equipment to Help Get in Shape for the Holidays

When I first thought about getting in shape during the holidays my wife thought I was crazy because I have held a perpetual weight of 165 pounds throughout our marriage. Why I would need to get into shape was something she really couldn't put her hands around. But in my own weird way I felt I should get in shape, which in my view is something I hadn't accomplished since college.

So the first thing I decided to do was start doing massive amounts of pushups. This worked initially, building my biceps up from their usual bony size to a little over 12.5 inches, but I soon hit a plateau and after that, I couldn't see any difference.

Then one night while watching one of those insipid infomercials on TV I heard about the P90X program, in which you engage yourself in a number of seemingly ridiculous exercises, all with two 20-pound sets of dumbbells, to create "muscle confusion," which supposedly eliminates that so-called plateau I had reached. Once I tried to talk my wife into buying this contraption, however, she quickly explained to me that we didn't really feel like cutting into our kids' Christmas and so I'd need to think smaller.

So, The P90X and all of its training material (DVD included at about $120 for the basic package) were out. In were the Perfect Pullup (less than the P90X at $90), a training device designed by former US Navy SEALS (!!!) and the AbRocker (About $100!!), both of which were purchased with my Sears card. It's possible that if the P90X were available at the place (Sears) where I had a credit card, I would have been able to trick my body (and my wife) into this "Muscle confusion." It sounded secretive and nifty to me.

So I got the stuff home and installed my Perfect Pullup in my laundry room, which brings a whole new meaning to the words "clean up." I started cleaning up, alright (and drilling several holes in my door), and soon (not immediately) I got up the nerve to try this thing out.

After reading the manual and doing my test exercise to determine which level I'd start with I settled on reps of 10, which I could do at my leisure. I started with regular pullups and the handles were nice because you could rotate your arms as you completed your pullup.The catch to all of this is you're supposed to be breathing in as you go up and exhale as you finish your repetition. I don't know about you, but for me it was like taking a balloon and squeezing the daylights out of it until you can't breathe.

But if it's good enough for the SEAL Team it's good enough for me, in spite of my necessity to take three times as many breaks as anybody else. I continued with my regular pullups and moved on to Australian pullups (!!!!!!!) which are about as fun as getting a root canal without Novocain. Finally I finished with Standing Rows, which are basically like rowing and doing pullups, so you can imagine the pain signals my arms sent to the rest of the body. Did they work? Yes, but they were extremely painful and I am gonna leave them to the SEALS.

The second item I used to torture my poor body to near-death was the Ab Lounge, which is easy if and only if you do not follow the instruction manual. Also, from a faraway glance it looks like a paper-thin version of a La-Z-Boy, but that's until you get near it and realize it's for exercise only.

You see, somebody had the bright idea to inform you, the consumer, that it's important to do these exercises while breathing properly and they put all of the information in your owner's manual. If you don't follow the manual I'd imagine you could do a pullup followed by a bite of pizza, so long as you didn't follow the prescribed breathing techniques. If you did eat a slice of pizza while using proper breathing techniques, you would need the Heimlich maneuver.While that's all well and good, I am not a body builder and so doing a "Jackknife With Leg Lift" exercise while breathing properly (that's inhale as you begin your approach; exhale as you reach the peak) is basically like Chinese water torture to your heart without the water.

It burned like Hades in July in the darkest pits of my stomach, and I felt like throwing up at least 20 times in the five minutes I spent on the Ab Lounge after doing all seven of the "Basic Exercises". The scary part about the Ab Lounge is I only did the minimum 15 reps per exercise and still saw results as soon as I was finished and pulled up my shirt for the wife to see. She liked what she saw.

Even though I nearly felt like I was dying at the time I did recover enough after one day's rest.

Although it's a good idea to visit your doctor before going on any exercise program so you don't kick the bucket doing the 'ol "Jackknife With Leg Lift" routine, I would highly recommend both the Perfect Pullup (and its sister product the Perfect Pushup) as well as the Ab Lounge. And if you have the money the P90X is among the most popular exercise routines out there.