Expectation: A Word to Be Loved or Dangerous?

"We are expecting!" this is joyous news. The young people in front of you are beaming. Their lives are just beginning, it is still unfettered by the problems we middle-aged fogies have.

And you think: "wait until this baby hits 18!". But you don't tell them that, they are expecting no problems whatsoever, not right now. Their thoughts go no further than soft toys and hand knitted pink/blue garments. They are still wearing their rose-colored sun glasses, the world is their oyster.

What are they expecting from this as yet unborn child, at this stage no bigger than a finger nail? This tiny embryo should go to at least Yale, let's enroll him now, just to get in early."We won"t ever, never give him candy", that's a good one too. They expect him to study hard and keep all his teeth too. "We will be loving and good parents and not be like our parents". This is an expectation that will most certainly not come to fruition. When your daughter hits 16, starts smoking, drinking and wearing t-shirts that are way, way too small for her, you'll be exactly like your parents. And you'll know it too, you'll recognize the voice, the stance, the expression on your face.

When you started working, you expected to climb up the corporate ladder so fast, as a matter of fact you needed an elevator, because it would happen for sure within a week or so. And your poor parents, who paid for your college-education, expected this as well.

Your parents expected you to marry as well. A nice girl/boy who would fit in the family as if she/he was their own. This doesn't always work out that way. People stay single, have same-gender relationships or do something else altogether. But the expectation was there. Whether it makes you happy is usually not the first question parents ask when you show up with a different partner they had expected, or have none at all.

And what do we expect from ourselves? Some people have high expectations and will get there, will be happy. Others have none at all, won't get anywhere and will also be happy. My question is: does it all come at a price, these expectations? Don't we have a mental picture in our minds how things should be, only to be disappointed when things don't turn out the way we expected them to be? Can't we expect a little bit less from our loved ones; love them the way they are, and be kinder to ourselves when the expectations turn out to be different from what we had in mind?