Experience with the Russian Online Dating Scam

A while back, a good friend of mine nearly fell victim to a popular internet dating scam. He'd signed up with a number of free dating sites and became quite excited when he received several responses right away. Feeling ever hopeful, he responded to each of them.

One of the girls who had contacted him was from Russia. She said that she planned to move to, or at least visit, an area near where he lives. Would he like to meet her? She could tell by his picture that he was a very nice man, and in a way he reminded her of the men in Russia- only she could tell that he would treat her more kindly than men in Russia do. (This alone was a sign to me that she may not be on the up and up- I've known a lot of men from Russia, and while some of them were indeed rough, at least as many were wonderful men who treated their wives well).

As the correspondence went on, many of his friends began pointing out things about this "girl" that didn't seem right and urged caution. Being stubborn, he became more adamant that she was legit and obviously cared for him (this was after 3 emails back and forth- which included pictures of a very pretty blond). Here is how the correspondence went:

1. The greetings. This was the only point where she indicated that she'd even looked at his profile. He's quite hairy, and she mentioned this in the email. She says she likes him, and please email back even though she's in Russia because she's going to come stay near him. He responds asking about her likes/dislikes/family life etc and asking what she'd like to know about him.

2. She responds with a big email about life in Russia. Technically this could be her response to his questions, though it wasn't very specific. She then says how her English isn't very good, but aside from this doesn't appear to have read his email. She begins saying how she can see that he is a very wonderful man, and kind, and she can't wait to meet him. She uses his name in several places throughout the email and sends several pictures. I said that was suspicious, but could be excused by her lack of English language skills. Normal people don't continually address you by name except at the greeting stage. He said she was moving pretty fast to get all of that out of "what do you like and what do you want to know", but was so flattered and attracted to the girl in the pictures that he responded with a much more detailed email with very specific questions and information about himself.

3. She responds with an even bigger email about her life in Russia. Now she's talking about how her emails may be a bit sporadic because she's traveling to her aunt's house in Moscow so she can fly to America. She absolutely can't wait to meet him, he's so wonderful, blah blah, blah. She sends more pictures and asks nervously if he likes her even though her pictures are not so good (she was gorgeous- so that's obviously a put on). Yet not a single response to any of his questions or statements. He emails back with even more questions, talks about himself, and mentions that while he likes her, thinks she's gorgeous, and finds her emails fascinating, she hasn't answered any of his questions, but to tell him when and where the plane is arriving and he'll meet her there.

4. She sends a brief email explaining that she greatly underestimated the cost of traveling to the US. She's very upset and concerned that he won't wait for her while she figures out what to do. He tells her not to worry, he's happy to wait, take her time and won't her relatives help her? I tell him she's about to ask him for money and to absolutely to not send it to her. He says not to worry, he doesn't have any to send.

5. She asks for money. Apologizing for asking for it, and yet giving a huge sob story about how her family gave her all they had and it's still not enough, but she loves him and wants to be with him. The wait is killing her. Can't he please spare just $300? She promises to pay him back. He says he can't send her any money, but he'll be happy to wait for her. I say "I told you so". He actually defends her. I say if she needs $300 to travel, then she'd have to become a prostitute once she's here. He says she could stay with him for a while.

6. She asks for money again. This time with more pleading, "I love you"'s, and promises to pay him back. He tells her that he really does not have $300 (he really didn't), he's sorry, please tell him when she arrives and she can stay with him.

7. No response from her. He tells me that if he'd had the money, he would have given it to her "just to see what happened".

What it breaks down to is:

If she uses your name sporadically through her emails without actually addressing anything you've said- it's probably a scam.

If she tells you she loves you after the second email without actually addressing anything you've said- it's probably a scam. Or a psycho- either way, run.

If she asks you for money at all- it's probably a scam.

The biggest tip off to me before she began asking for money was the fact that after the initial email, every email from her sounded like a stock letter with the names changed. They were written to entice and flatter, but there was nothing of substance. I actually read each email to and from her- and there was no relationship between the two.

If you're questioning the legitimacy of emails from someone you've met online, try to get a second opinion from someone who cares enough about you that they'd be willing to hurt your ego to save you problems later on. If you don't have someone like that- just Google "Russian dating scam" or whatever seems to apply.

Most of these scam profiles went away as soon as my friend joined a pay site. It seems that leeches like to play in free water. But even if you're serious enough to go to a paid match making website, keep your eyes and intuition peeled. Most scam artists give themselves away if you're willing to look, you just have to keep your ego out of the way.