Experiences with a Newborn: What a Change!

BAM! Just like that, my whole world turned upside down. After my son arrived into the world, my world changed. I don't mean, 'poop, they quit making my favorite tea flavor' change. I mean 'I think a truck crashed into my house' change. All for the better. My little boy made me realize I am capable of loving someone so deep, unconditionally and constantly. I remember when they set him on my chest as soon as he was born and I thought 'is this little person what I made inside of me' and since that moment in time my life changed.

The first few days of his life seemed like weeks in adult days. I had no clue that swaddling calmed babies, that 3 ounces of formula could fill a babies tummy and that when he cried my heart would break. We came home from the hospital and the longest window of time I slept at any given moment was one hour. I slowly became a zombie. I did not realize babies only slept in 3 hour chunks the first few weeks of life. Once I got the sleep pattern down, then he wouldn't eat without crying every single feeding. Come to find out babies get acid reflux. Once I got the feeding down, then he got a skin issue called Ketosis Polaris - that won't go away until he grows a beard. Wow! Suddenly I had to think about his beard when he decades older.

Six weeks into his life and I slowly became more and more depressed. In all of this cuteness and cuddling and giggling I was getting sadder and sadder. To no fault of my son, the sleep deprivation, stress and anxiety caused me to slowly slip away. My husband told me to get some exercise and that will help. My best friend told me that since I am so aware of post partum depression it makes her think I'm just being a little paranoid. I was finally to the point where everyday my husband would leave the house and I had to hurry and gather my things and rush over to my grandparents house because I didn't want to be alone. I had weird fears of hurting my son or my husband - not thoughts of doing it, but fears of doing it. I was very scared and very anxious to make it all better. I went to two doctors and between the two of them I was prescribed medication. After about one week - I was symptom free. My doctor diagnosed me with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and depression.

I never would have thought that I would get post partum depression, but I did and it snuck up on me very quickly. I share my story with anyone I get a chance to because so many women think they are alone and I never know when my story will impact someone.

My son is the best thing that ever happened to me, both physically and emotionally.