Explaining to Children Why People Die

Children need clear and simple answers. There is no reason to explain more than a child can understand. Most children aren't asking about a soul or a spirit. It is wise to handle the physical issues first and that may be all they need. Don't panic.

People die because their bodies stop working. This opens a dialogue. A child may simply take that answer be done. If that is the case let it be done. They are satisfied and that is as much information as they needed.

If this is not enough information give them something concrete to compare it with. Remember when the TV broke and it couldn't be fixed. In a way the TV died, it couldn't be fixed. It was time for it to leave the house. There are places for broken TV's and there are places for bodies that are broken.

Again, if this is enough information than stop right there.

If your child shrieks "Are you taking Grandpa to the dump?" You may want to have a discussion about cemeteries, headstones, and caskets. Or if cremation is something that happens explain that process. You may talk about the ashes and urn. Simple terms and direct answers are the best.

You may have some strong religious beliefs that you want to share with your child. It would be wise to share those at a time when death isn't impending or resent. A child may not understand an explanation of going to live with God. In fact, often times that can cause anger towards a God the child really doesn't understand yet. If it is something they have grown up with understanding may be easier.

Now, as any true writer must sometimes do, I have to break the rules and share the personal story. My grandfather passed away when I was only seven. My father took me into the room with the casket and the beautiful flowers. The smell was overwhelming and fragrance was comforting. Dad gathered me up in his arms and lifted me up to see Grand-dad. He said, "He doesn't look much like the Grand-dad you know huh? That's because the part of Grand-dad you love, his soul lives somewhere else now. He's done with this body. It's kind of like an eggshell." He carefully took my hand and placed it on Grand-dad. "See, it's just his body and he is ok." I will be eternally grateful for a father, who was in mourning, who took the time to comfort me. It has had a profound effect on how I handle death.

Remember keep is simple, accurate and honest to your beliefs and your child will understand.