Explaining Death to Children

Death is hard to understand sometimes, even for an adult. The emotional pain and turmoil that comes when someone we love passes away leaves us searching desperately for answers. And often, there simply are no answers. So how do you go about explaining the loss of a loved one to a young child? How do you answer his questions about death?

Children, especially younger children, don't understand the finality of death. Most of the time when you try to tell young children that someone they love has died, they simply ask, "But when will he be back?" They think of death as being gone on a trip. But in their minds, you always come home after a trip.

So how exactly do you explain death to a child? Well, usually a child's age will help determine how much detail you need to go into. Younger children will often be satisfied with being told that Grandpa has gone to Heaven to live with Jesus. They may ask about visiting him or when he will come home again, but they are usually satisfied with simple answers such as "Heaven is too far away" or "Grandpa's home is in Heaven now." If a child persists in asking why, then be patient and as honest as possible in your answers. For example, if your child wants to know how far away Heaven is, be honest and admit you don't know. One thing about young children is their attention span is short. So very often, the child will simply accept your answer.

However, older children, generally around the age of eight and up, will want more specific answers as to death. They may be more curious as to why or how the person died than as to where the person is. Again, be as honest as you can when explaining the cause of death. Diseases and illnesses can be explained as something going wrong inside the body. While some are preventable, many are not. We can't always explain why one person in a family gets cancer and the others do not.

Accidents are even harder to explain. They can happen for many different reasons. The weather could be the culprit behind a car accident or even a plane crash. Someone not paying attention could run a red light and hit a car. The causes of some accidents are obvious while others we may never know the real cause of. Accidents are sudden and unexpected. And even though sometimes they are caused by careless or dangerous acts, they are not planned. So while we may be able to actually blame someone for causing an accident and sometimes they may be legally responsible, it was not a deliberate act.

There are some deaths that are almost impossible to explain. Take the 9/11 acts of terrorism, for example. There is no way to explain the murder of thousands of innocent people. People that had never even met the murderers, let alone done anything to them. The only way to explain that is to call it what it is: an act of evil committed by evil people with no respect or love for anything.

Remember how impressionable young children can be. So be careful when trying to explain what death is like to children. Saying that a loved one is sleeping could cause worry or fear in a child when it comes to bedtime. The child could worry that he may die if he goes to sleep. Keep your explanation as simple and brief as possible. Answer their questions as truthfully as you can. If you don't know the answer to a question, simply tell them you don't know.

You may find that keeping the answer more scientific is the easiest for a child to understand. Explain that death is quite simply what happens when our bodies don't work anymore. Sometimes things just tear up or quit working and you can't fix them, no matter how hard you try.

However you choose to answer children's questions about death, always remember you are talking to a child. Keep it simple.