Exploring the Cause of Rollercoaster Relationships

Even the most logical person may find themselves pulled into an unexplained web of mixed emotion in a relationship. The difference between grasping reality and betting on fantasy can make or break a relationship. This cycle of love/hate feelings can ultimately lead to a break-up, though this may come a long time after the initial incident. The love/hate feelings are as a result of indecision. Many times people are in a bad situation and aren't sure when to let go so they settle until an incident arises then there is a crisis. The crisis can usually be smoothed over when two people care for one another and believe that "love" will carry them through. When we smooth over conflict there is no resolution so the same story can play out many times. Not dealing with the reason for the conflict is the reason rollercoaster relationships can't survive.

Even marriage isn't free from the rollercoaster syndrome

Take for example this scenario with something as simple as an argument over an unknown phone number showing up on caller i.d. The husband sees the number and questions his wife, she's offended and hurt that he would suspect anything of her and goes on to show her husband that the caller was a male cousin located out of state. The husband at this point is shamed and regrets jumping to conclusions. The husband refuses to apologize. The wife has had enough and decides to leave the home, grabbing her keys on the way out the door she screams "Fuck you!" and slams the door. Her husband runs after her not because he wants to comfort her but because he wants to confront her about what she just said. The wife stands in the driveway with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. The husband approaches and the wife murmurs calmly "you know....for as much as you've been cheating with Kelly and Tasha you sure have a lot to say about anything that I might do. You thought I was stupid and wouldn't find out? You're the guilty one so don't even approach me on this issue. I don't want to hear a word." His jaw drops and he's speechless. The wife says she wants to break up through a divorce and she will be staying with a friend until things get better. End of story, right? Wrong. The wife forgave the husband and they repeat the same cycle they have so many times before. The make-up sex is great and all is well once again the loving feelings rush in...until the next time conflict arises. Does this soap-opera like drama sound familiar?

Why so much Drama?

Some people keep this tension of loving and hateful feelings to try and keep the relationship alive. They truly believe any attention is good attention. Purposefully causing conflict is not only immature but deceitful. Playing with people's emotions and pissing them off to try and test their loyalty is always a bad bet. You may get the immediate surge of attention that you seek but it will wear down your relationship strength and eventually your mate will end up leaving. It may take years and years for someone to finally leave but it will happen when games are played.

Another reason is that some people lack the necessary communication skills to resolve any conflict. The attitude of "ignore it and it will go away" is a difficult point to try to kill the drama. The reason for failure of drama based relationships is because they violate trust, honesty, respect and many other relationship values.