Exploring Communication in Relationships

Long walks on the beach, driving up the coast, and hours of telephone conversations. All elements of a new and exciting acquaintance that leads to a budding relationship. Buying gifts, greeting cards, chocolates and flowers to express how you feel about you new significant other. You each profess your love for each other. Your friends and families soon begin to recognize that you're a couple, and that you've committed yourselves to each other. In a short period of time you and your mate become absolutely inseparable and life is bliss.

After a period of time the excitement cools a bit and, initially just levels off to a comfortable plateau. It hangs at this point for a good long while. But, relatively unnoticed comes a downturn. You start to wonder if something is wrong, but you don't say anything at first, to make sure you're not jumping to conclusions. Before you know it you're spending less and less time together, and conversations with your mate have become shorter and less frequent.

The first person to notice the change is usually the woman. Not necessarily because she's naggy or nit-picky, but because the guy won't usually have a clue until the entire relationship has crashed and burned to bits. So, she attempts to open a dialogue with her mate. Now, even though he knows that her concerns are valid (he'd have to be retarded not to know), he will initially deny that anything has changed in their relationship, and that she's overreacting. Now is the time to address and deal with any issues before they get worse. But, she most certainly does not want him to see her as the nagging girlfriend (or wife), so she shuts up about it.

By the time they BOTH are at least in agreement that a problem actually DOES exist, the situation has banged up the relationship so much that its so much harder to address at this point. Even then, the guy does not want to talk it out openly or do what's necessary to come to a meaningful solution together. Oh yes, he wants the problem to go away. But for him, it will go away just as easily if they stop talking about it. Is he being cruel and insensitive? Yes. Is he trying to be cruel and insensitive? Some guys, yes. But many men in relationships are in them because they want to be. So, in their minds, they're doing everything they're suppose to, which is why they expect the issues to just 'go away'.

To deal with the beast, it is necessary to try to understand the beast. This is a 2-way street. Both sexes must understand that there are differences in the way each operates mentally and emotionally. These differences have to really be respected. The problem I've seen all my life is that each party in a relationship expects (and in too many cases, DEMANDS) the other party see, feel, and deal with everything the way THEY do.

The reason most men don't communicate well in relationships is not because they're TRYING to be closed-off; it's just the way most men are built. The reason most women want to communicate as much as possible in their relationships (and become emotional wrecks when they can't) is not because they're unreasonable; it's just the way most women are built.

The key to a great successful relationship with someone you can respect is COMPROMISE. This means each species having patience with other's differences. A man can't expect a woman to just 'shake it off' as HE would. Just the same, a woman cannot expect a man to pour out his heart at the drop of a dime. That doesn't mean that neither party should try. You'll notice that no matter what a person says they can't do, they'll at least ATTEMPT something that's really important to them.

And if a relationship isn't worth a sacrificial effort, it's probably not worth having.