(F) E-mail

To have blank pages still available in a notebook that I purchased over 4 years ago - with the intention of breaking a "dry spell"?

Why the 'female' pun found in the title?

Perhaps because I informed Dragan (whom I just met for a drink here at 'establishment X' in Yorkville) that our server reminds me of Michele P. from '99?

C'est possible. <------ apropos to my 'oh so very' surroundings.

I love how they watch me - looking for tips, endorsements, and mostly, out of boredom and curiosity - the blend of which spurned me for years to seek them out, albeit via the internet, as I was always a tad lazy in that regard.

We would stroke one another through e-mail.

Scallywags, all of us...

45 minutes have passed since my friend took his leave, and now - just behind me - a group of middle-aged men has shown up.

The 'foxy' server with the dyed black hair and the 'Girls Gone Wrong!'��â'¬Å¾ï¿½ look says something like: "You can sit here... or in MY section!", motioning towards a large table several feet away. Predictably, and on cue, the leading oaf returns with "Well, of COURSE we want to sit in YOUR section!", spilling a pathetic and vaguely odorous sort of enthusiasm all over the patio.

Accordingly, she says "GREAT!!" - with all the feigned enthusiasm of a carnival employee, or, more likely, a lap dancer.

The awkward group shuffles toward the promised land, jockeying for the outside seats so as to be closest to both her and the toilet.

And so, through rather facile means, her objective was achieved.

It's embarrassingly obvious why these characters think so highly of themselves.

Hey, sunshine - reality check: You're only a 'commodity' on this dirty booze deck.

4:16pm:

The uncharacteristically torrential rains have stopped - for now.

This summer has seen the city besieged by maverick weather patterns of which only the most foreign and exotic lands have known. Global warming definitely has it's upside, apparently.

This place has suddenly become so... vivid.

I'm looking up from my notebook and squinting, yet the sky is still a bruised mix of black, green and grey, with a seemingly implied incandescence?

These are, indeed, strange days...

The early arrivals are chattering loudly now - martinis and 'red bull' littering the tables both in front, and beside me.

Suddenly, I feel as though I'm seated in the monkey house at the zoo: The din and relative antics, coupled with storm-watered potted plants and tons of surrounding foliage authenticating such an experience. I wish I had some peanuts.

F*ck, these primates are LOUD.

5:30pm:

A patron downstairs makes a flip comment: "Girls and rare burgers.".

Oh, how I could run with that, I think, then decide to just leave well enough alone.

In an unrelated quip, the (f) e-mail bartender says: "Optimism only takes us so far."

Indeed.

In my strange and stupid haze, I expect to see a 'celebrity' here in Yorkville. Then I realize that - pen in hand, aRtFaG'��â'¬Å¾ï¿½ black hat tipping just so - I am the 'celebrity', as the fellow patrons and staff -in their wondering about me - make it so.

And what happens when we hit a certain age?

Do we see in everyone around us - those that have come before?

It has become clear - even as the edges increasingly glow - that it is time to leave this set.

I have one more sentiment to share:

"Today - right NOW - with your big brown eyes, full lips, great teeth and fuchsia-coloured headband containing your perfectly thick and curly dark brown hair...

... I could marry you; be totally fulfilled... until my buzz wears off."

you never saw me.

�2008 Jon Mychal