Facebook Status Updates: What You Shouldn't Share with Your Friends

The popularity of Facebook has helped to launch the popularity of sites like Lamebook, STFU Marrieds, and STFU Parents (and even an STFU Twihards). All of these sites are focused on one tiny aspect of Facebook: the status update. Facebook status updates can be useful for sharing links, ideas, and the most mundane of activities. Yet they have also become a share all forum where the topic of discussion can become relationship ending, bodily function sharing, embarrassing your kids, sexual innuendo fodder that is later uploaded to various sites for people to poke fun at. (Food for thought: If your privacy setting is at 'friends only' and you find your status update on one of those sites, one of your friends did not like what you posted. And they're all going to laugh at you.)

For some reason, Facebook status updates have become the best way to share the weirdest bits of personal life. And for another reason the status updates keep rolling in, one more bizarre than the first, even with the threat of being on the next days edition of Lamebook. Instead of discussing why people now feel the need to reveal even the most personal moments of their life on Facebook, the discussion should be about prevention. The 'why?' can be very interesting, but it is better to know how to keep your status updates off of Lamebook or one of the STFU sites. The only way is by knowing what you shouldn't post as a Facebook status update.

What You Shouldn't Post As Your Facebook Status Update

Just because Facebook asks "What are you doing right now?" does not mean you have to be completely honest. There are a few things that should be kept to yourself... and not on your friend's live news feed.

Bodily Function Updates

The status update about bodily functions (or fluids) is like entering a room full of people and announcing a play by play of what you just did in the bathroom. It's cute if you're four years old. It's not so cute if you're 24. Every one does it; not everyone wants to know about it. Remember, this also applies to whatever your significant other, pets, and kids did while in the bathroom. I'm sure if they wanted everyone to know they would have posted it themselves. The bodily function rule also covers any medical condition (like passing a kidney stone or bleeding from any orifice) unless it is serious and your friends know anyways. Don't surprise them on Facebook with news like that. And, please, no Wall Pictures of any of the above. If you must mention what you did in the bathroom, trust your friends to have a vivid enough imagination.

Relationship Updates

From the diabetic, lovey-dovey type to the "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" brawl type, relationship status updates are almost never okay. Sure, a quick blurb about an engagement, wedding, or anniversary is perfectly acceptable. Just don't over do it with the electronic PDA. Too many saccharine sweet updates and it shows that you have no interest in anything except for your significant other. And that is kind of irritating.
On the flip side, a full on Facebook relationship fight should be avoided. Even if you hate your ex or caught your other half cheating, keep it private. Like it used to be in the days before Facebook. If you do feel that the world needs to see you two fight, then take it to Wal-Mart and fight publicly. It's just as trashy and just as many people would care.

Demanding Help Updates

Maybe you're looking for a digital camera or a new cell phone. Word of mouth is a great way to get all the information you'll need to make a decision. But don't demand a number for a caterer and dry cleaner 'ASAP!!!!' . Some of those requests are usually ignored. Why? Because you're already on the internet, silly! Instead of asking your question on Facebook and waiting for someone to answer (if they do), you could have Googled it. Remember Google? It leads you to tons of information. It's pretty neat. While your friends might just glance over that status update, Google will get you to the dry cleaner you were looking for.

Text Me! Updates

Bored? People can tell. There have been 14 status updates from you in the last hour with a phone number and a very demanding "Text It!" attached. Wait... why are you posting your phone number on the internet? Really? Well, you should be safe. If no one has texted you by now, it's very possible no one wants to. And why should they? Suddenly their friend feed has been overpopulated by desperate status updates. Still bored? Read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk. Don't plaster it on Facebook. (That goes for the even more depressing follow-up update: "Well, I'm going to bed because no one texted me..." You can guilt your friends into hanging out with you, but will they have fun?)

Those are just a few of the many types of status updates that will make it to the sites that poke fun at Facebook. Unless you want to end up there, there is one simple rule to follow: Think before you post. It's the new think before you speak. Or else I'll see you on Lamebook or STFU... and I'll be laughing at you. We're all going to laugh at you.