Facing Foreclosure: You Will Survive!

Are you facing the Loss of your home through foreclosure? Are you trying to muddle through and make necessary decisions to put a roof over your head, but at the same time trying to deal with the sadness, pain and feeling of shame and embarrassment? And, worst of all, does your heart break as you watch your children suffer this shocking loss? And at the same time, with tears running down your cheeks, you are out all hours of the night trying to get boxes to pack in at the grocery stores?

Take heart; you are not the only one who has gone through this. Right now all over our country people are experiencing this in droves. You will survive, and your kids will be only stronger people for having gone through this.

There are a few things I can share with you that I learned in 2005 when we went through this.

The FIRST Steps, as in anything, are usually the hardest. The phase when you find out you are being foreclosed is quite difficult. Actually for us, this went back to finding out my husband's job was down sized after 22 years. The foreclosure was next. Breaking these unpleasant truths to those we love or having it broken to us is very hard. And at this stage you feel like you might be living under an interstate bridge if something doesn't give! You see ahead of you all of the complications of this impending transition. You see the Loads of Stuff you have accumulated!

And, worst of all, of course you don't have an emergency financial fund set aside. That's the problem to start with.....not enough money! You are facing finding a suitable place and all the upfront money you must come up with. One surprise was that the prospective landlords check your credit rating. WE got turned down twice for rental property! There are still landlords who don't use this to select renters, and we were blessed enough to find one.

Sometimes, the foreclosing company will deal with you and give you some seed money to move on( WE GOT ONE THOUSAND) for getting out by a certain date and leaving it immaculate. This entails hauling off all outside items, attic clutter, etc...

Also during this time, you are trying to straighten out the red tape of the foreclosure and possible bankruptcy. Sometimes the way they foreclose or the way the loan was set up forces you into bankruptcy. It did for us. You need to carefully keep every paper that passes through your hands during this time; you may need these documents one, two or three years later as your taxes can get a little complicated after a foreclosure and especially after a bankruptcy.

Just remember....once you get this behind you....you definitely are through the worst

Focus on the Future. As much as you want to just stand and run your finger over the little marks where you recorded your kids growth in the hall, and cry....you must begin to look forward. Try to focus on how you will arrange your kitchen or just the thought of sitting and watching television on a cozy evening in peace when this is all over!

Get your kids focused the same way.

Let the Sadness Go.

Pets: This was one of the hard parts of going from being a home-owner to being a renter. NO PETS. Almost Everywhere...What do you do? Well, we placed our pets "temporarily" with the two grand moms. One took the two kittens and one took the dogs. The cats immediately got run over in the busier subdivision. The dogs lasted a while; they were old. But, we didn't "officially" get rid of them, and we were lucky to have family to do this. But, all I can say is that if the situation had been different where we were moving and we could have at all pulled it off, I probably would have kept any pets I could have to save my kids that extra sadness. Good luck with that. Maybe you can soon add something to replace it that will work out or at least be undetected!

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP

Try to show your kids this principle. If you know others who have been thru this or are going through it, tell your kids. Help them understand how common it is. I really think that our foreclosure was harder on our older kid than the younger one. Don't assume because they are young adults that they are not really emotionally struggling through this. One thing is that they are old enough to see through some of the faces you put on trying to make the best of it.

Sometimes, through this time, you will feel the bile rise in your throat as someone makes a comment about renters or how they abuse property, etc ...W hen we were trying to find a place to live and were literally begging these people to overlook our credit report let us rent from them. They would talk to us so condescendingly and "tell us" how we couldn't really afford the rent. Coming from the neighborhood we had lived in and the lives we had lived, this was quite difficult to take. You just try to remember how that feels and NEVER EVER treat anyone else that way . I think that lesson right there is one of the most important that we took away from the whole thing. My husband and I and our kids all have a different way of looking at folks than we used to.
....For Goodness Sake, quit feeling embarrassed and ashamed. You just don't know how many people you see every day that have been through the same thing, or are in the early stages of it. I was embarrassed when the cable man came to hook up our cable at the apartment we had leased. He had just lost his house the month before! .... It is difficult to find a balance between expressing the intense longing you have sometimes for your lost house, especially depending on the length of time, etc...and being swallowed up in looking backwards to your kids' childhoods, or your newlywed years, or whatever it is. It is important that the kids know you are grieving, too; this validates their feelings. But, you need to be very careful to what degree from now on you express these longings. LET THEM GO. You put a pallor on every family activity when you rewind back to some sad longing for the other house. When it comes down to the very core of things, the memories you are grieving are your family memories. If you come away with your family still safe and together, you have everything you really need, and are more blessed than most people. With a passing nod to the past, Make new family memories!
...maybe get them planning for an inexpensive room redo....(at least a color change and a new bedspread that doesn't remind them of their "old room." Just be sure and don't promise anything you can't carry through with financially They have been let down enough. If you have time, maybe they could have a yard sale and use their money for a new room redo....or new game system or stereo for the new room or whatever floats their boat. And, treat the whole thing as an ADVENTURE! New friends, new places to play, maybe a new yard, or a new tree to climb, a romantic window seat to dream in........ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ....Be upbeat and positive as you anticipate some new possibilities. Kids are resilient, and always curious. If you present things in that way, it will help keep them wondering about the future with some positive feelings.
. Hold your head up, Pray, and....focus on how comforting the quietness will be when the storm is over. And, it will be soon.

When it comes down to it.....Home is where your family and your stuff is.

Psalms 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread.Imagine yourself back in the old house without your family......see?At the time we lost our house, my husband's dear aunt lost her only son. She told me that her beautiful, big home, Lexus, etc...didn't really matter that much. Ask God what He wants you to learn through this experience? It may even involve a calling or career change, etc.....For me, I developed the desire to do social work. I haven't actually done that yet, but I returned to school and completed the first two years with high honors last spring!