Facing Life After Learning Your Baby Has Down Syndrome

If you are a parent who has been given the news that your baby has Down Syndrome, you will probably find yourself on an emotional roller coaster. You may feel anger, despair, guilt, shame and much more. But please remember that it's acceptable to have these emotions. Every parent faced with this news has had to go through the same emotional process.

It is important that you take the time to adjust and address your emotions. Only you will know what you need to do. You may feel the need to jump in head first, you may feel the need to re- organize your life, or you may need time to be alone.

Please remember not to make irreversible decisions immediately. You cannot solve all the problems for your baby's life or your life straight away.

Let's take a look at some of the emotions that you may experience.

Anger

Anger is a common emotion to feel after receiving the news that your baby has Down syndrome. You may even feel guilty about feeling angry and bitter but it is better to be honest and realistic about how you are feeling rather than trying to hide the fact that you are angry.

Most parents of a baby with Down syndrome will not direct the anger towards the baby but towards fate, circumstance or even God. Only you will know where your anger is directed.

Although it is natural to feel angry you must not let that anger debilitate you. Instead, convert the anger into energy and use that energy to seek out and make use of every opportunity that comes your child's way.

'Angry' parents can accomplish so much when their anger is channeled correctly.

Guilt

You may feel guilty that your baby has Down syndrome. The feeling of guilt may stem from believing that you produced a 'damaged' baby while underneath you are still longing for the 'normal' baby that never was. But you must not let guilt take hold of your life.

It is so easy to find ways to blame yourself. Many mothers go back over their pregnancy searching for where they went wrong. But nobody is personally responsible for their baby's extra chromosome in the same way that no other parent is responsible for their child's leukemia. It is not your fault.

Let go of any guilt, get strong and put your energies where they are needed, in helping your baby to reach her full potential.

Resentment

After receiving the shocking news that your baby has Down syndrome it would not be surprising if feelings of resentment settle in. You may find that you feel resentment towards parents of 'normal' babies and the fact that they take their child's' normalcy' so much for granted. You may find yourself begrudging them the joy that you know they are feeling because you have been robbed of yours.

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Resentment can also be directed at your family and friends who aren't sure how to behave. They are not sure if they should be happy for you or be showing you sympathy. Many times this can lead to awkwardness but they too need to adjust to the news and obviously you as the parents will be their first concern.

Helplessness

A feeling of overwhelming helplessness can take over when given the news that your baby has Down syndrome. This is one of life's challenges that there is no quick fix for and it is not going to disappear.

If you take on the thought patterns of, "How can I make it right?" or "How can we fix it?" you will become vulnerable. The answer to these questions is simple, nobody can make it right and nobody can fix it.

As harsh as that appears, it is true. But take heart, parents of children with Down syndrome tend to very quickly become knowledgeable and active and the feeling of helplessness gets pushed aside.

The important thing to remember is that there is no correct response to the news that your baby has Down syndrome. Allow yourself time to adjust and it won't take long before you start to notice the little things, such as your baby's soft warm skin, tiny fingers and toes and the need to take care of your baby will take over.