Facing the Reality of Love

Sometimes you're looking for love, sometimes you're not. Sometimes you're waiting for it, needing it, wanting it and still coming up short. Sometimes you don't really want it all and sometimes it's all you want. Then sometimes, sometimes you're sitting quietly doing nothing but watching the wheels go round and it sneaks up on you. These sometimes, are the best of times. The unexpected can be a bit dangerous especially in your expectations in life. We want to know what's coming, yet we maintain the quality that we are just hanging out, shooting the breeze and carelessly skimming through life. Then there are the few of us who will admit to being different, or perhaps we are just a little too honest. We analyze, we obsess, we count and we keep score. We are the ones who may not be looking, but know everybody else who has already found "it." We know what the odds are that on a random Tuesday Mr. or Ms. Right could come walking into our lives, so we gamble. We gamble with this insight and use it for and against us. We hide in the shadows and know when to make our appearance. We know when to hold 'em and we know when to fold 'em. Insight like this is hardly wasted, or is it?

Maybe it is just a little too spent, spent on the fact that we seemingly torture ourselves again and again. We take progress as a downfall. Or we try to rationalize our thinking in ways that seem profound, even to us. Yet we are the dreamers. We dream of a life and a love far away. Far away and staying there. It's the close encounters that scare the hell out of us. In turn the problem with being a dreamer is reality tends to crush us, sinking into our psyche like the nail into the coffin. We are our own worst enemy and then some. But on the contrary we tend to be bit by the love bug in the same way everyone else is, maybe we are not so different. Still we'd like to think we are for its far easier to remain different than to be indifferent. We rule with reality, but a reality of the past. A reality that no longer holds true but prevents us from moving forward. If only we could move forward we might be taken on the ride of our lives. Instead we shrug into the comfort of being a self proclaimed failure until and only if we are lucky enough, someone gives us a chance. Someone that takes us so by surprise that we fall off of our pedestal and come back down to reality, except this time it's the actual reality.

Maybe we aren't so bad. Maybe we aren't a group of revelers and playboys. Maybe there is hope that someone can see us as we are. Someone who can see through the larger than life persona that gets us through the tough times. Maybe, just maybe, that stone wall can crack a little and some of the warmth can find its way in. In an uncertain world one thing is for sure, there is always room for maybe. As long as there is a possibility, we can keep going. Breaking down the walls of doubt and regret and rebuilding ourselves as many times as we have to. Sometimes you're not sure and sometimes you know for certain. Sometimes the walls will all fall down and leave you exposed. Sometimes you can hide and sometimes you just can't catch a break. Sometimes you fall and sometimes you have to pick yourself up again and start walking. Then sometimes, sometimes you find a hand to hold and that can change your whole perspective.