Factors That Can Kill a Marriage

There once was a time were couples stayed in marriages for the sake of the kids, and because society at the time deemed it taboo; not to mention many women sacrificed themselves and became financially dependent upon the marriage. Today, we see a much different picture with couples running for the door at the slightest hint of conflict. There seems to be a great inability, between couples, to really interact and give the proper amount of equal effort when it comes to the obstacles that crop up on the marital path. Of course, that is not to say that there are some serious obstacles that can and do create a conflict that cannot be resolved, leaving the marriage dead in the water.

So, what kills a marriage?

Well, there are many factors that can kill a marriage, as you will see in the following information:

The inability to communicate effectively and responsibly is one of the leading causes of marital dead-end. Too often, couples do not know how to speak to one another. They become skilled at tossing insults and avoiding conflict. When this happens, the couple winds up in "circle talk haven". This is where the same topic of conflict swirls around their home without ever getting resolved. Then what eventually happens is new conflicts arise before old ones have been addressed and resolved. The old conflicts become the foundation beneath the new conflicts, and soon you will have a pile of unresolved situations smoldering in the background of your relationship. Eventually there will be the inevitable breaking point---and this can and will kill a marriage.

Dependency is yet another situation that can lead to marital death. When a couple begins their relationship, they come together as two separate entities with two separate lives, experiences, traits, and personalities. Then the relationship melts the two of you together, and sometimes each member forgets who they were and can no longer see that individual aspect of themselves. If the couple loses their personal identities, or one member of the couple loses their identity, it can and will cause resentment to form. All too often, you see one member in a relationship that completely gives up everything that made them who they are, and they allow the relationship to define them. Sometimes maybe, one member of the relationship demands the other member conform to what they want, and in essence there is an expectation that one must sacrifice who they were to make the other person happy. This will indeed lead to bitterness, lack of personal fulfillment, and an overall unhappiness in the marriage, because if you cannot be happy in your individual self, you cannot expect to keep and maintain a happy relationship. If this is not addressed and resolved, it will kill the marriage.

Financial instability can cause a marriage to spiral out of control. When a couple experiences financial problems it stresses each person, as well as stresses the marriage. Financial problems are problems that bring up many fears and insecurities within people, especially when we consider our livelihood and responsibilities. If the couple cannot find an even ground to work passed this obstacle upon, they will allow the stress to swallow them up, and it can kill the marriage.

The more obvious factors that can kill a marriage are as follows:

Sometimes the discussion of how to raise the children is never discussed before the children are actually brought into the world. If each has a different parenting style, it can lead to conflict and a constant battle over who has the more effective parenting methods. It will be this inability to be on the same page and show unity in parenting that will stress out the marriage. Also, if one parent's idea of discipline borders abusive or is abusive, this will and should kill the marriage.

Cheating is a definite sure-fire way to kill a marriage. Sure, some couples try to work passed that marital betrayal, but on a majority, most marriages will die fast after one part of the couple breaks the trust through cheating. When there is cheating in the marriage, it breaks down most of the stepping stones that are used to build a solid relationship foundation. The trust is gone, the respect is gone, and the love is fractured. If a couple is committed to fixing the foundation and putting in the hard work it will take to re-pour the foundation, then it may be possible, but more often, the cheating is a symptom of bigger issues in the marriage and it becomes the final straw that kills the marriage.

Domestic abuse may take time to kill the marriage, but generally, it will kill the marriage and sadly may even literally kill one party of the marriage. Domestic abuse often occurs over a period of time, and before a person realizes it, there self-esteem is so beaten down that they stay longer then they should. However, there is more help available today, than there was in days of past, which help more domestic abuse victims take themselves out of the bad situation sooner. Domestic abuse, though, will kill the marriage.

Ultimately, marriage is two people willing to put in the effort and time. You cannot be afraid to deal upfront and honestly with situations and obstacles that will come up from time to time. It is the in between times that you must commit to making happy moments and memories, because it will be the ability to reflect back on the positives and happy times that will carry you both over the hurdles that will present themselves from time to time. Sometimes marriages are ended hastily, while other times they are not ended fast enough.