Fairy Tale

Once upon a time,

There was a loner hero,

A jerk, a soloer, a gamer,

With Pie- T-shirts marked 3.14 on the front,

Treated like a punk at school,

Pushed into lockers and stuffed into closets

And closed-in bathroom stalls

Not even cool enough to walk the halls,

So he limped, faking an injury

To get pity from other bullies,

Who was meeting THE DRAGON

At three pm for a fight

Because he accidentally stumbled

On the Dragon's pinky during

One of his regular beatings.

In his quest, he was told by teachers

And students alike, to seek out the two

Seers, who would help him win the fight.

Among them, there was a kid-man named Henry,

Whose huge freckled self, could

Pick-up whole book shelves

Without a strain

And even he stayed away from the Dragon,

Even on the Dragon's worst day.

One kid said, "No, not the dragon

Do not fight him, he will eat your arm,

Puke it out and then slap you with

It while it's all full of his drool and spit."

Among the students was a girl named Enrietta,

Whose studies with science were supreme

And she could make a laser

That could melt even the coldest ice-cream

And even she said, "Nay, not the dragon

For he shoots laser-beams out his head

And will melt my brain

And that's my only strength."

One kid said, "I would not bet on anyone

In a fight with the Dragon

Because he will walk among the betistas (the betting booth people)

And strike them down with one hand

While his opponent is in the air

Hanging at the Dragon's death-grip,

Searching for land."

So, then, our hero

Thought to himself

Perhaps, there are exits in this school

And I could see my way out

For any dumb kid can see

Fighting the dragon

is like fighting water in the sea.

Alas, the students and teachers alike,

Wanted to see the fight,

In terror for our hero,

But wanting to see him di-win the day

Anyway, that they barred all the exits with locks and

Chains and security guards with cool last names

Like Istenguard and Smith.

Oh, no! thought our hero,

What can I do!

I can only play video games

And barely tie my shoes,

I must go to the first seer

And see if he knows.

He went to the first seer,

A room in the darkest part of the school,

An unused place, a place awful and foul

No kids wanted to be there, parents shouted

"No! get my kids out of that place!"

and kids said, "No, not there, kick me with a boot

but don't make me go there, I beg!"

It was called the counseling office

But ho! Inside the room were pictures

And plants, that one could barely breathe

From the melting paint mixed with grass

And it smelled really awful

Like watered plants times ten

That our hero said, "What is that stench!"

Between two plants a darkness loomed

Until two blue eyes appeared with glasses on

And said, "Take a seat, Mr. Quilt.

You're fighting the Dragon I see."

But how did this man know?

Was he truly a seer?

"Everyone in school knows," said the seer.

He could read minds!

"No, I can't read your mind," said he,

Yes, he could.

"No, I can't!" said he.

Yes, he could!

"Stop thinking I could read your mind

this instant, young man!"

Oh, he can't...

"That's better. Now here's what you need

to do. Get a plan. The end. Go away. I need

to water my plants!"

Now, our hero worried, for

It was 1 pm and still he had no plan

And in two hours

He would certainly be a dead ma-kid.

Yet he replied to the first seer, "I see no water

Here for you to water the plants!"

"How I water my plants

is none of your business! Get out!"

Thence, our hero was now

Lost for he had no plan of attack.

Could he perhaps get some possible

Help from other students, he thought?

He went to all the students,

The preppies, the jocks, the cheerleaders,

The chessers, the cheesers, the cheap-o's

The dancers, the players, and even Rambo,

Alas all of them said, "No! It isn't our fight

And we got five on the The Dragon!"

For all of his strengths, right at that moment,

Feeling defeated, all the school's pupils (and Rambo)

Had the opportunity then

To win a nice and crisp ten.

Thus, he sought help from his last source,

No one wanted to go there,

Because here was a place of horror

Much worse than before,

With rainbows and color

And pink dishes galore,

Little bunnies on the walls

With friendly tales about donkeys

On the floor, all painted for fun

The second seer was a lady!

Full of marshmallows or something

Because her belly extended to the edge,

"I bet all or nothing!" said she

when our hero entered the place,

feeling ten times more shiny

now that rainbows from the ceiling

shone on him, too, while

painted unicorns on the door

smiled at him more and more,

"And this is what I got to say,

don't make a plan to fight this one,

for the only way to win is to

fight him al fresco, no plan,

no remorse and nothing in mind but the fight!"

"Can I go now?" asked our hero

now bearing the smiles of the wall

from the opposite end,

a hail of hello-kitty's waving and waving

like they were his best of friends.

Thus, he saw an opening and jetted out,

And split in two, he sat in front of tree

For here was our hero with two choices

To make, to make a plan or to not,

Not really a question at all.

Soon after that, it was three pm,

Because no one wants to hear

All this messy business with class

While the fight is so much more interesting to hear,

So here they came,

A kid of four feet, a teen, with pencils on his

Green and blue squared shirt, the hero!

And with trembling might said he, "Do we really have to fight!"

Like a hero of the ages was he!

And the dragon, an older fellow, a giant at six feet with

Flaxen black hair and a brown jacket

And muscles like pillars, and smelly,

With a small band-aid on his left hand pinky pronounced

From a distance of ten feet, hence all the yelling,

"Well, yes, I got a ten against you!"

Now, all the students and teachers gathered a good ten paces away

Made a circle and started to cheer,

And there was instantly a hotdog vendor

And some kids selling popcorn

As the fight of the year loomed near.

The Dragon paced forth, stomping with each step

But, suddenly, like the mighty warrior's of the past,

Our hero took flight, running away,

But the crowd got a hold of his shirt and pushed him

Back in the circle, most of them girls, who said,

"I'm not losing five today!"

Hence at a distance of twelve feet, the Dragon loomed near,

His shadow concealing the sun,

His fists two huge boulders and our hero stood in fear

With nowhere to run

And he put a hand across his face and one on his side,

Wishing deeply that this was a dream

But, alas, 'twas not, the Dragon was there,

Marking the land with each stare,

Booming towards him

And when he saw him up close,

Nose flaring with fire, the volcanic ash afterwards,

And burnt black hair on his head, combed to the side,

Our hero stood still and wished deep inside

For a wish, a serious wish,

Just when the Dragon's fist rose in the air

And lightning fell down from the sky

To strike our hero down three feet into the dirt

If he didn't miss,

A fairy appeared!

But 'twas not a typical fairy

For here was a man

In purple short shorts with a flower on his ear

Wearing thigh-high black boots-

A fairy from Hollywood!

And said he...she...the fairy,

"Oh, dear, what be that wakes me

today?"

Time stopped, the Dragon's fist stared at him in mid-air.

"Yum...a bully, I see.

I may grant you one wish."

"I wish a fair fight," said our hero,

"for here is a guy that can breathe fire from his nose

and shoot lasers from his eyes

and call forth lightning from all sides!"

"Oh, no! Not him, that you see, he has none of these things,

your little friends made it up

to make him seem, not what he is!"

"But then," said our hero, "What has he

that puts me in fear, that stops me from moving

out of the way and all this time

has all other bullies afraid of his face?"

The fairy, then, with eyes keen on the Dragon

Said without blink or a smile, "Height advantage"

"So what about my wish, then?" asked our hero.

"Nope, not granted."

"But one belonged to me!" cried our hero, stupidly.

"I said I may," said the fairy and vanished.

Time resumed and here lay a beating so rare

That our hero took it but, to many-a-better's demise,

Our hero's front tooth poked out too much on the side,

And the Dragon hit him so hard, the tooth's edge

Drew blood, like battles from the stone-age did,

And the Dragon fell on his knees, crying, as though his lunch had been taken

And in truth the blow had hurt our hero so, it had taken him back

But no more damage than the regular bully attack

And, one thing on his side, he didn't see clear at the time,

Was luck, for his parents had not gotten a dental plan.

Hence, all the students and teachers, all frowned, their allowances

Drained, the car payments failed, the rent for the boathouses denied,

And booed and booed as a crowd, but had to conceit their defeat,

It was before lunch and no one had eaten

And the one person, our hero, who bet on himself, at odds of 500 to one,

Got all that money for dental treatment.

From that day forth, no bully poked or probed at our hero,

Having unintentionally defeated the top of their gang,

Putting a lid on bad rumors that from time to time

Still put a blindfold on saps in this land.