Fake Product Review: Marlboro Toothpaste

Have you ever wanted a nicotine buzz early in the morning or late at night, but you couldn't get to a cigarette? Do you like smoking but hate the smell of smoke? Do you love the feeling of tobacco grinding against your teeth? Well, have I found a product for you! From the makers of SKOAL bubblegum, I hereby present to you the solution to all of your problems: Marlboro Toothpaste!

This revolutionary product blends the two things every red-blooded American loves- cigarettes and dental hygiene! For a limited time only, you can purchase a tube of Marlboro toothpaste for a low price of $9.99. From now on, you will look forward to your next brushing- in fact, users of this product often begin to brush over 20 times a day! You will want to brush your teeth at work, at school, and even during the drive to the grocery store to get more Marlboro Toothpaste.

This fine product meets the needs of many individuals. Here are some practical uses for the hot, new tartar controlling toothpaste tube that is sweeping the nation:

-Use Marlboro Toothpaste if your spouse or parents don't like the smell of smoke- you can get your nicotine fix with out ever lighting up.
-Use it if you are under the age of 18 and you can't get a homeless person to buy cigarettes for you.
-Use our new toothpaste if you would like to enjoy a shining, bright, somewhat-yellow smile and maintain your nicotine addiction at the same time.
-Use our product if you enjoy cigarette breath and/or appreciate the fine taste of ashes.
-Marlboro Toothpaste also makes a great Mother's Day present- what says "I love you" more than a tube of the hottest craze in America?

If you suffer from people not liking you, or you just think you would be cooler if you were addicted to something, look no further than Marlboro Toothpaste. Here are a few testimonials from satisfied customers:

"At first, I was very skeptical. I mean, how would you squeeze the delicious taste of a pack of cigarettes into a little tube of toothpaste? But I was amazed to discover that Marlboro Toothpaste was all it was advertised to be. I became a much more diligent brusher, and now my gums bleed with healthiness! I use my new favorite toothpaste nearly 40 times everyday!"- Jill, 23, Sacramento

"I really wasn't the coolest kid in my high school, at least not until I ordered my tube of Marlboro Toothpaste. Now even the teachers idolize me! There is nothing like seeing that thick, dark toothpaste dripping from my front teeth in the morning- it leaves a brown stain of pristine cleanliness to let everyone know 'Hey! I'm the coolest!' "- Thomas, 17, Denver

"I am too old to get out of my walker to buy my cigarettes at the local party store. Now I just order a tube of Marlboro Toothpaste online and I can enjoy my addiction everywhere I go! I just line the inside of my dentures with the toothpaste, and I can kick up my feet and watch Matlock without ever getting up for a smoke."- Marlene, 82, Milwaukee

So what is holding you back? Why not try Marlboro Toothpaste? You have nothing to lose! We guarantee you will want to brush more often with our product than any other toothpaste, or your money will be refunded. So try it today- all the cool kids are doing it.

PLEASE NOTE: This product does not actually exist. This product review is meant for entertainment purposes only.