Faking the Big "O"

I was watching television the other night with my wife and caught an interesting interview - the program in question is kind of like an Italian version of Ophra Winfrey except the lady that hosts the program is blonde and not a woman of color.

At any rate, the topic on this particular night was the female orgasm. Or the lack of it. The impetus for this topic? Fay Weldon. Now that name may not mean anything to you back in the United States - but she is a very well-known British feminist and writer and her fame stretches all across Europe and probably the rest of the world as well. At 74 years old, Fay has written about 20 books and Lord knows who many articles and they all have to do with the battle of the sexes. Her latest book "What Makes Women Happy" has an interesting chapter entitled "The Joy of Fake Orgasms". It would have been nice to have seen Fay on this program - but no matter. She got a lot of publicity anyway. And who needs Fay Weldon when the host had a whole slew of "experts" on the show - most of them silicone-injected Italian showgirls and starlets who come and go quicker than an ice cream parlour's flavour-of-the-week.

Italian television thrives on this type stuff and I have to admit I raised an eyebrow when the host was warming up the audience.
The whole point of this chapter in Fay's book is that women do not necessarily need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. Fay thinks women can be intimate and still have fun and apparently her book points out that an occasional fake orgasm won't do any harm to a relationship. That is probably counter to what you hear most feminists say these days - that women deserve an orgasm, and if their men can't provide one then women should get one on their own (I think you can purchase one on-line for $19.99).

Now guys have dealt with this kind of pressure for years - the whole challenge of pleasing a woman. You'll never hear us say publicly that we didn't do anything less than perform magnificently. We last longer than the EverReady Bunny and the women in or lives need a damn abacus to keep track of all the times we send them over the edge. Well that's what we SAY anyway.

Hey - I think I'm a pretty viral guy and I can tell you it don't always work that way.

So that was the theme of the show. I cast a glance at my wife who hadn't said anything up to this point. She was just taking it all in. And before I could say, "Well what about MEN..?" a guy in the audience stood up and really went off. "What about MEN" he shouted "What about our pleasure?"

I made a mental note to myself to thank his guy if I ever met him.

Well the chips went flying. Nothing like a little battle of the sexes on primetime television. Especially when it's Italian primetime television. One guest who had lips bigger than Angelina Jolie talked endlessly about how her and her lover or husband (or maybe it was both) "really had to work at her achieving an orgasm". Another woman joyfully admitted that "…the real good sex takes place after my companion goes to bed". Let me tell THAT must be a happy relationship.

I'm no psychologist but isn't COMMUNICATION the key to healthy, exciting sex? For that matter, isn't communication the key to a healthy relationship in general? The more I thought about it while watching this program, the more I wondered if 'ol Fay stuck that chapter in her book just to rattle the feathers of a lot of people. It just seems to me that if a man or woman in a relationship has to fake ANYTHING then they are headed towards bigger problems than just having an orgasm.

I know most men would never admit to it, but a lot of guys could probably benefit from learning more about how to please a woman. In fact, "rule number one" should be to let go of the notion that the only way a woman can be stimulated to an orgasm is through intercourse. Research shows that only about 30% of women can experience orgasm with intercourse alone. That leaves an awful lot of women who need some other form of stimulation. And other forms of stimulation are not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination.

I would hope it's common knowledge for both women and men that an indispensible part of the female orgasm is the clitoris. Whatever you want to call it - the little man in the boat...the clam...the magic button...the list goes on an on. A woman should feel comfortable with her clitoris. And so should her partner.

Faking is not good. And women should not fake an orgasm. And you can take that one to the bank. Heck I don't think you need to be on a talk show to understand how important it is to talk to your significant other to get an understanding of what he or she likes or doesn't like.

I glanced down at my wife who was lying on the couch, resting her head on my lap. Darn it if my male ego just couldn't resist. "…If I wasn't pleasing you…you'd tell me in a heartbeat, right?"

She smiled and replied. "…of course I would...now let's go to bed. Or did you forget our daughter is spending the night at my mothers…?"

That wife of mine. Twenty years later and nothing fake about her at all.