Fall Fashion Report: What's In and What's Out

If you love my Home Makeover Alert! Than you will seriously dig this fashion special! It's the Fall Fashion Report! Ooh, I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it!). Let's do this thing, playgirl!

Sweater Vests IN / Cardigans OUT - Forget last season's Kurt Cobain, drugged out, mashed potato revival. This is not your older sister's fall fashion season, honey. Cardigans are drab, sweater vests are the rage. Don't be blind to the fever. Catch it cause it's healthy, fool. Fall fashion ain't easy, I think Benny Franklin said that. But if it's cold out there and you need a little wool wearer (fashion slang for sweater), then get yourself a sweater vest and keep those hot little arms of your free. Stay in school.

Wool Hats IN / Baseball Hats OUT - Forget John Mayer. He does not and will not dictate fall fashion. Wool hats can be itchy, sure, but they are so hot right now. Baseball hats are so Spring '99. Ugh, to think that you (my loyal readers) would be living a half-decades-past, out-of-the-know, free falling lifestyle, well that would totally slay me. I feel like a dragon. I feel like a fall fashion dragon. Put your sword away sweet prince.

Skirts IN / Pants OUT - Here's some fall fashion advice for the ladies out there, can I hear you say "Oh!" ("Ohhhhh") This is a simple bit of fashion advice. Don't wear pants and let me tell you why. Two words: Quick Ease.

Jeans IN / Corduroys OUT - Thank God the Corduroy Craze of 04-05 is finally over. My boy toy, Mitch Reynolds, keeps insisting that corduroys are going to make it a three peat in the fall fashion realm, but let me tell you something: that is unprecedented and I don't see it happening. You got that, now get a pair of jeans and act like man.

Safe Sex IN Promiscuous OUT - Okay, this has nothing to do with fall fashion. Poop, it has nothing to do with fashion in general-I have to admit. But here me out because occasionally I like to use this forum to make relevant insights on social issues, so here goes: I think Timbaland and Nelly are being really irresponsible. Promiscuity gets you nowhere without a condom, as my mom likes to say. Please, keep that in mind.

Pipes IN / Cigarettes OUT - Again, not a fashion tip on the surface (but anybody who knows anything knows that your smoking habits have as much to do with your sense of fashion than anything in your wardrobe does). Listen, you want to be cool in the 2006 fall fashion season? Throw out that pack of cigarette and get a pipe.

See you next time, when the spirit moves me, Toodles!