Fall in Love Too Easy? Protecting Your Heart Without Changing Yourself

Get a pen and paper down and write your answers. Don't look ahead, and no cheating or lying to yourself. This is designed to help you, but if you don't admit a problem to yourself, you won't be able to overcome it!

1.) On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how important is it to you to have a partner in your life?

2.) Do you have a set age you want to be married by?

3.) How long does it usually take to date somebody before you think you might love that person?

4.) How many times in your past have you felt you really loved somebody, and then thought otherwise after the relationship ended?

5.) Are you happy when you're alone?

6.) Do you believe in love at first sight?

7.) Do you think that getting married is the beginning of life, the end of life, or just a part of life?

8.) If you were dating somebody for a month, thought things were going really well, and the person you were dating showed a behavior that you found offensive, threatening, or even incompatible with what you look for in a partner... what would you do?

9.) (Hypothetically) You have been dating somebody for only a week and they ask you to move in with them. Would you do it?

10.) How many relationships have you had where you have day dreamed about marrying or having children with the person you were involved with?

Okay, now let's go over your answers and see how you scored. Before we do, I'd like to remind you the only way you can fail at this test is by cheating or lying to yourself. There is nothing wrong with loving too easy, other than you will get hurt a lot more and you may even be scaring away relationships that could have worked.

In the first question, a healthy answer is an honest answer. If you wrote down 10, then good for you to admit this to yourself. I won't tell you you are wrong. But I wouldn't recommend ever trying to date anybody who would answer that same question with a lower number than 10. An 8 or 9 might work, but relationships have to have a balance.

The same thing goes for a lower number. If love really isn't important to you at all, then you would clash with somebody who considers love to be very important. Although there is no "wrong answer", a happy medium would be somewhere in the middle. When choosing a potential dating partner, consider your compatibility on matters like this and you will protect yourself from a messy relationship of pushing and pulling.

In the second question, you may have stopped yourself from admitting this. Due to the headline, you may recognize it could be a problem to feel you want to be start a family by the time you're 30. The only real problem here is how serious you react to that goal.

It's okay to have a 5 year, 10 year, or 15 year plan. But if you are frantically searching for your life partner and you have to have one by a dead line, then that is a problem. There are a number of reasons that would be a mistake, but the biggest would be focusing too much on the possibility of a future together than enjoying your present together. Not only will this scare or push those partners away, it will also deprive you of what love really feels like vs. the idea of love.

The 3rd question is a trick question. If you put down any answer besides 'depends on the person', then you need to read the last answer again and apply it here. Love does not have a time limit. It happens when it happens.

The 4th question will tell you more about the control you have over your emotions. If you loved somebody, it is okay to hurt if it doesn't work. It is not okay to think you did not love that person. You damage happy memories and you damage yourself by flip-flopping your perspective of a person depending on their involvement in your life. Unless you are a teenager, that immature type of selfish reaction will be a red flag to future potential partners as well.

The 5th question is also partly a trick question. We are social creatures. If your first connection with the word being alone was not having a romantic partner, then your focus is more on a one-on-one setting. You can be "alone" and not be alone. However, the thing is that not everybody is happy alone. That is okay. That also doesn't mean you need to always be with somebody.

I must add the advice that if you are not happy alone, you need to work on that before you can make somebody else happy. If you don't like you, then what would make someone else like you?!

The 6th question is free. I'll tell you what. My answer is "Love isn't based on sight." If you think it is, then feel free to feel that way. That's a hopeless romantic perspective, or a horny perspective, but it's your perspective. Again, be sure that you hold compatible views with your partner. If you have a visual sense when it comes to love, then you wouldn't fare well with an intellectual.

The answer to the 7th question measures how ready you are to even consider getting married. I'll tell you that if you think life begins when you say "I do", you have a long way to go. If you think life ends, you have a fear of commitment and you are in no rush to take that plunge. You may be going to the other extreme, because a good relationship is a good relationship. Either extreme could push it away, so just keep that in mind. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness.

Repeating that there is no "right" or "wrong" answer, allow me to add that in this case, you should not consider marriage until you have accepted it is only an improvement on an already complete life.

You have to be honest with yourself about question number 8. You have to have morals or standards, and you have to stick with them. If you are willing to be that flexible with a partner, then you are not looking for a long term partner ship... you are just looking for somebody to be your partner. In doing this, you are depriving yourself of ever being with the right partner.

Consider your answer to question number 9. Are you okay with your answer? What would you say if a friend had the same answer, would you still be okay with their choice? Jumping into a commitment like that is a major risk. Everything is relative, but I can ask this question generally because in reality it shouldn't matter how great that week is... that's still a major risk. Living with somebody is a huge commitment that requires a large amount of trust. If you would be willing to do it, generally speaking, then you may be too generous with your trust.

It is one thing to fall in love easily. Trust is something that should always be earned.

Finally, we come to number 10. It is okay to day dream. It is okay to do it in any relationship, even if the real thing is far from being considered. In fact, it is important to realize how often you have done it before. This shows you how easy it is to day dream about those things. The more you have day dreamed about sharing a future together, the more 'possible futures' you have been through.

The problem comes when you pursue these futures often. I'm not saying you should put up a brick wall in the next relationship to prevent a future together, but you should be careful about how willing you are to pursue serious commitments with everyone you date. It's okay to day dream loosely, but it's another story to be so loose about it in reality.

Whether you scored as a hopeless romantic or a loner for life... be yourself. Don't change your ways for anyone. Relationships involve two people as they are... and those people will naturally grow together or apart on their own. You don't need to do anything but know who you are.