Fall TV Alert! "I Love New York 2" is in the Building

Like her or hate her, Tiffany Pollard, aka New York has generated more headlines for her on-screen behavior than Lucy Ricardo did when she hooked up with Ricky oh so many years ago. And now, after being dumped unceremoniously for the umpeenth time on national television, the witch with "Princess" tattooed in lovely lettering on her cleavage is back for another round of mayhem, heartbreak and chainsmoking on "I Love New York 2."

After she had her ass dumped for the third time in as many years on her first reunion show--after Flavor Flav gave her the boot twice and then gave her her own show--New York went out and did what most wholesome, caring girls do: she got breast implants. Meanwhile, instead of going with her heart, which at this point has probably been overshadowed by those ridiculous things bubbling out of her chest, she went with the better judgments of her fans, who will be charged with helping the wicked beast of the east select a suitable mate.

After the first year of the show ground to a halt and a few puffs of smoke, there were a bunch of nobodies she dumped, getting semi-famous and starting new careers as party hosts. Think I'm joking? For example, "Heat" and "12-Pack" are now hosting parties, living together and gazing longingly at one another, but for the record they are not gay--and they weren't when they were in thongs lounging by the pool and hanging out with each other for hours on end.

The crybaby of the bunch, "Romance," is now kicking it with his homies in that berg of sanctity, Buffalo, New York--with a new Yorkshire tea cup terrier--and is also, you guessed it, a party host. "Mr. Boston" even got his swerve on by dating "Brooke," the blond who spat on New York in the "Flavor of Love."

And let us not forget "Chance" and "Real," the two brothers/rap wannabes from suburban L.A. who vied so hard for New York's heart, only to have it stomped on and crushed by the massive forearms of "Tango," the eventual winner of the competition. "And yes, "Tango" also went on to fame and fortune as a party host, hanging on to that ever-so-fleeting 15 minutes and beckoning to his mama's every whim.

As was the case last year, New York gets to choose from 20 more guys, several of whom were selected by her fans. In the first episode New York shows she still likes white men who act black, a midget and rap hype man named "Midget Mac," and a slew of pretentious pretty boys, one of which tells her he has a big ding-a-ling. For most girls, that would be tantamount to "Game Over," but in New York's case, the man just won her heart, that thing positioned about two millimeters from those plastic globes covering her entire body.

There are also a few mama's boys, one named "It" who looks like he belongs in a mental institution instead of on a reality TV show, and, amazingly enough, cable guys.

And in future episodes you can look for "Chance" to reenter the competition and vie for New York's love, er, money, because God only knows this show needs more drama, posturing, bad acting and all the things that make the "Flavor of Love/I Love New York" franchise what it is today: the reincarnate Jerry Springer for the twenty and thirtysomethings of our generation.

In a close and not-so-comfortable victory, "Chance" will just edge out "Champion," a former pro football player and "Pretty," a law student from Mississippi. In the middle of the pack will be "Midget Mac," a choice that will not do New York's mother proud, since she hates the guy; "Cheezy," a self-proclaimed dork who is eons smarter than most of the people in the house and "Man Man," a boisterous guy from Chitown who thinks he's two men. Not having a snowball's chance in Hell are "Ears," "Tailor Made," The Entertainer," and "20-Pack," three of whom were selected by New York's fans, though "The Entertainer" will get a pass into the second week, where the flexing of torsos, generous cocoa butter applications and general male posturing will do him in faster than a chop block.

Get reacquainted with an old friend when you watch "I Love New York 2" Sundays on VH1.