False Advertising: I Have No More Room for Space-Saving Devices

That's right: I have absolutely no room left under my bed. After years of TV commercials and the endless infomercials that proliferate our airwaves and after years of collecting crap from all corners of the globe the underside of my bed is crammed tight with various items that were originally advertised with the "just slide it under your bed" logo.

This is an advertising gimmick, which only works if you are 20 and have just bought your first home. I doubt that I am alone with this lack of space issue. No more can I watch infomercials for collapsible keep-fit equipment that supposedly easily folds up to slide under your bed. You know these ads don't you. The one where an attractive slim young woman runs enthusiastically upon her brand new tread-mill with her perky bosom and perfect butt, her blond hair cut in an attractive bob, I, i....(what was I saying), oh yes - this attractive woman displaying all the wonderful things you can do with this equipment in what appears to be a deserted bedroom. There appears to be nothing else in this bedroom aside from one over-sized bed which you just know is going to have something slid beneath it before the ad is finished. She finishes, quickly squishes the running device into a slim shape and slides it sexily beneath the aforementioned bed. 'But how is this possible?' you ask. How does this device navigate past all the other crap that must surely be under there? Then I remember, this isn't reality - this is an advertiser's unrealistic depiction of a regular bedroom. Spartan and clean without a dust-bunny in sight. These ads should really come with a warning, 'warning, this bedroom is an unrealistic depiction of a normal person's bedroom, we take no responsibility for all the other crap that you might have under your bed!'

So, no more can I watch ad's selling me the latest space-saving containers which easily store under my bed. Don't these advertisers understand? Nobody has room under their beds any more. Like most people I know it's become the latest storage device because god knows there's absolutely no room left in the Closet. If you were to try to play hide-and-seek in our home the only places left to hide are the Oven, Fridge and Microwave (although admittedly you would have to squish up pretty tight to get inside that) It would be that or just turning the lights out and hunting people down in the dark.

Not only do I no longer have room under my bed or in my closet for the latest space saving device or easy to store contraption I also have no room on my kitchen countertop either. That's right, no room for elaborate liquidizers that can make you a pineapple smoothie in seconds flat. No room for that multi-bladed cheese grater, which although it grates with ease also grates on your nerves as it's so damn fiddly and difficult to store what with all its detachable parts. No room for the Cappuccino/Coffee maker which makes you a Café Latte in seconds flat but takes up acres of space on my limited counter-space. No space I tell you!

Unfortunately, there is only one conclusion. I need a bigger apartment.