Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin

Fans were horrified when Fox cancelled Family Guy and it's easy to understand why. How could they go on without Stewie Griffin? A diaper wearing toddler with an accent who is determined to kill his mother, take over the world and is also smarter than everyone in his family. The best thing about Stewie however, is his ability to say some of the most shocking things that keep viewers laughing and DVD sales booming.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #1

Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #2

Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay...

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #3

Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #4

Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #5

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #6

(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #7

Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until ooh, big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #8

There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #9

Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Family Guy Top Quotes from Stewie Griffin #10

Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?