Family Rules: How to Provide Structure to Your Household

Does your family have a set of family rules? Do your children know the family rules and what the consequences are for breaking a family rule? When children know their limits and parental expectations, they feel more secure and safe. My children and I never used to have family rules, but since the family rules implementation, my household has run much more smoothly.

Family Rules: Hold a Family Meeting

The first step for implementing family rules is to hold a family meeting. Explain the basis of the meeting and ask for input from everyone. Keep a notebook handy and take notes. Ask your preschooler what she thinks would be a good family rule. My son knew exactly what he wanted for a family rule: "Don't mess with someone else's stuff."

Family Rules: For Every 'Don't', Provide a 'Do'

It doesn't work to tell a child not to do something. You have to teach them the right way to do it as well. Taking the example above, "Don't mess with someone else's stuff," ask your child to come up with a behavior he should do instead. Do this with every family rule. "Do ask to use someone else's stuff; don't mess with someone else's stuff."

Family Rules: Keep the Family Rules Simple and Age-Appropriate

For younger kids, it's hard to remember a ton of family rules. If you keep the family rules to 5 - 7 rules, it will be easier for the kids to remember. Keep the rules succinct, yet specific. Kids don't necessarily know what "Be good" means. But they do know what "Use friendly words" means.

Family Rules: Write Out the Family Rules and Post for Everyone to See

I used a bright piece of tag board and wrote out all the family rules. My daughter doesn't know how to read yet, but just seeing the family rules posted reminds her of the family rules. Our list of family rules hangs on the refrigerator.

Family Rules: My Family Rules

Sometimes it helps to see examples. Here are my family rules for my children, ages six and four.

1. Use friendly words. Don't hit, kick, or call names.
2. Ask to use someone's stuff. Don't mess with anyone's stuff.
3. Sit nice and eat at the dinner table. Don't play at the table.
4. Try our food. Don't throw a fit when we don't like the food.
5. Tell Mom if someone is or will get hurt. Don't tell on each other.
6. Share toys and TV. Don't fight over toys and TV.
7. Pick up all toys, clothes, dishes before bed. Don't leave our stuff on the floor.

Family Rules: Rewards and Consequences

Children work best when they are working toward a goal. Come up with a system for keeping track of their progress and then reward them when they reach a goal. Write the reward on the bottom of the family rules poster.

My children and I devised a plan for keeping track. They each have a calendar hanging on the refrigerator beneath the family rules. For every day they follow the family rules (meaning, they only had to be reminded once they were breaking a family rule), they get a sticker for the day. Once the children have earned 25 stickers, they will get their prize, which they picked out. I have the prizes out in plain sight, where they are reminded they need to follow the family rules before they get these prizes.

The consequence is the same as if they didn't have the reward system: time-out in the corner for as many minutes as they are old. Plus, they don't get a sticker for the day for following the family rules.

Family Rules: Make Sure the Kids Know the Family Rules in Theory and in Practice

Read the family rules out loud once the poster is finished. Provide examples as you are reading the family rules. For instance, if there is a family rule about hitting, ask your child, "Now, what should you do if your sister takes away your favorite toy?"

When a child breaks a family rule, ask her, "What family rule did you just break?" It helps the child realize the family rules aren't just for show.

Family Rules: Consistency is Key

As with any new disciplinary structure, the key is to remain consistent. If a child knows she can whine her way out of following a family rule once, she's going to try it again.

Stay on top of enforcing the family rules, and your family rules will soon do the work for you!