Family Violence Hurts Us ALL

"What happens in a person's home is private and should not be made public." This writer agrees with this statement. The right's of privacy of all American citizens is but one of the fundamental rights included in the freedoms we now have as Americans which our forefathers fought and died to protect. Our military continues to fight for these freedoms. It is not my intention to have anyone loose this freedom.

This article is not about giving up any freedoms, but it is about taking back the right for all people to live in safety. Law enforcement agencies are set up to protect us all within our communities. Other social service agencies are there to help people and families who have trouble coping with life situations.

This article is divided up into four sections; Introduction, Examples of the Many Victims of Family Violence, Why Don't more People Get Involved to Help Victims?, and The Role of Communities in Dealing With Family Violence. (The last section is the conclusion of this article and it ties in the other three sections to come straight to the point and answer the questions:
* Should we expect the Law Enforcement, Social Service agencies, and officials to carry the burden of Family Violence alone?
* Do we as citizens of this country and members of our community share any of the responsibility for our own safety?)

Throughout the past eight years, this writer has been working with victims of family violence. Listening to ideas and concerns, observing behaviors, and trying to help them find their way to safety and happiness. This has taught me more then any book could teach. These activities of sharing, along with my own life of abuse and suffering, is the foundation of most of what I write and know about family violence. The sharing of these experiences has helped me gain insight into this problem, and is what finally freed me form my own inner turmoil.

This writer does not claim to be an authority on this subject and much of this article is based on opinion and common sense. There are supporting links to sites which will emphasize the same ideas found here, but you, the reader, have the right to free will and may form your own ideas. You have the right to disagree with this writer, but I do hope you will keep an open mind as you read what is written in this article.

The information here is not new information which should shock the reader. It is information which has been debated in the news and many officials still debate them in many different forms and within many different organizations. This article is meant to get people to understand their responsibility for the safety of themselves and their families no matter where they live within this country.

Examples of the Many Victims of Family Violence

Family Violence happens everywhere within the walls of secrecy and behind the closed doors of families who live every lifestyle known to us all. It happens in rich homes, poor homes, or middle class homes. It happens in big cities, small towns, or in the rural areas of this country. No one can escape it.

There are three types of victims, which will be explained here. These are the types of victims grouped not by their relationship to the abuser, but by how directly or indirectly their involvement is to family violence. The last one is more general and involves the community.

* Family Violence Victims

Family violence victims are wives, husbands, children, siblings, parents, and others. They are victims directly dealing with the pain of violence
from another family member. This is a person who is suppose to love them. This is someone they trust who is a part of their family. The love of family is known to be part of the pain. Many are abused, and the secrecy continues.

* Family Members of the Victim Who Care

When one family member becomes a victim of abuse, all those who care for this victim become victims themselves. They now have to deal with the
pain or loss of a member of their own family. Harder still is knowing another family member is responsible for this pain or loss.

It may have come as a complete surprise to the surviving family members especially if they did not live in the home. Those who know may try to help
the victim by fighting against the abusive family member who is destroying the family structure. Too often, they loose this fight only to attend the funeral of
a family member who was killed by another family member. Still others visit hospitals of those victims who struggle to survive the last attack.

Families are crushed and will struggle with their pain for a life-time.

* Random Victims Resulting from Family Violence

It seems in dealing with this subject, looking at how others might be dealing with abuse and violence within their homes, does little to get people's
attention. Just like any other subject one may try to tackle, it is best understood when it happens to the individual. It isn't a problem until it lands on your
own doorstep. It is for this reason I have added this type of victim to this section of the article.

The other two types of victims are talked about a lot in the media. It is for this reason this writer did not give them a lot of space here. They are given a lot of
attention so the reader should already be quite aware of them. It may not change people, but the advocates for victims will continue to make their voices
heard. Speaking out for the victims who can't or won't speak for themselves. This writer is one who is very out spoken in victim's rights.

This last group of victims are more secret and not spoken about unless it is in finding out what makes criminal tick. Then it is more about the behavior of
the criminal then to look at the mounting growth of victims to family violence.

These random victims are the people who are killed in random rampage killings of a killer who was abused as child or lived in a home where violence was the norm. They are those who are killed by stray bullets of a man or woman who just killed their family. Even more they are the people who deal with it
everyday and do not even realize they are dealing with it.

The school bully who beats up your child at school could very well be a victim of family violence who is now making your child a victim. The man who
grows up to kill people just for kicks, could have grown up in a violent home. The robber who holds up the local store and kills or wounds the people
inside, could be an adult victim of family violence. All these acts bring about an increase in the number of victims to this dreadful problem.

One woman who lost her son in a burglary attempt put it best. ��"šï¿½ï¿½"If it had been know that he had suffered so much abuse as a child and something had
been done for him then, my son would still be alive. This situation would never have happened.��"šï¿½ï¿½

We say not to, ��"šï¿½ï¿½"what if��"šï¿½ï¿½ ourselves after things like this happen. Certain minds are changing to believe it may save future victims if we do just ask the
question, ��"šï¿½ï¿½"What could we have done to prevent it?��"šï¿½ï¿½

Many experts in the field of Criminal Psychology spend loads of time and money researching why criminals commit their crimes. It has been made clear
and is now common knowledge that more then two thirds of the criminals behind bars were victims of some sort of family violence. This is not an
excuse for criminal behavior. Criminals should pay for their crimes no matter what the circumstances. Where there is a crime, there is also a victim. When we take the law into our own hands, we go back to being barbarians. We go back to a lawless state.

Although, it does not an excuse for this behavior, it is an important aspect of criminal behavior, and it should make us all think about how we can prevent it
more in the future. Will we eliminate crime? No, we won't, but dealing with Family Violence is a good place to start.

This writer is not going to bore you with statistics or give you any more information on criminal behavior or go into more details on the criminology aspect of
Family Violence. I want to lay the burden for keeping our homes and communities safe in the hands of all of us. Until we take the problem serious and
know our own responsibility, the rest matters very little.

Lets put Family Violence on the doorsteps of everyone who lives in a community.

Why Don't more People Get Involved to Help Victims?

You are awakened in the middle of the night to screams so load they rock you from your sleep. A woman and, what sounds like kids, are screaming. After you wipe the sleep from your eyes you go to the window and look out. You see lights and shadows moving behind shear curtains in the house next door. The screaming does not cease.

You think about what you should do about the screaming you are hearing. Should you call the police or just let the neighbors deal with their own problem? After about an hour, the screams stop. Well, you then decide to go back to bed and try to go to sleep. Maybe they just had a fight and all is well now. At any rate, you decide, it is non of your business.

You just drift off to sleep when you are awakened by sirens from police cars and EMS squads. You get out of bed and head to the window. You see nothing but lights and cars.

Well, by now curiosity has gotten the best of you. You head to the door and go outside to get the scoop. Another neighbor, who lives on the other side and further down the street is crying. Through her tears, she tells you the story. She says it as one long statement. Pausing only slightly after a statement top catch her breath.

��"šï¿½ï¿½"I was suppose take Janie to the movies tonight to get her out of the house. When I went over there, the door was ajar. I went in and found Janie and the two kids lying on the floor in pools of blood. I called 911. I think they are all dead. Janie's husband killed them. They already found him carrying a bloody knife a few blocks down the street.��"šï¿½ï¿½ The neighbor concluded her brief telling of the story and is now sobbing again.

After a minute, she begins again, ��"šï¿½ï¿½"Living so far down the street, I never heard any screams. I wish I had gotten here sooner. Did you hear anything?��"šï¿½ï¿½ All of this was said without taking a breath.

You look at her without saying a word. She can't stop talking now. ��"šï¿½ï¿½"You must have heard something. You live so close to her house. Well, you can tell the cops. I am sure they will be asking everyone. I already gave them my statement. Oh! This is just awful.��"šï¿½ï¿½ She stops talking and walks over limply to talk to one of the officers.

This is a fiction scenario, but is one which is repeated over and over again in many communities as a reality.

I have read similar reports in many news articles where there were victims of family violence and a neighbor which should have heard something but refuses to come forward. Those who will talk to a police officer will say, ��"šï¿½ï¿½"I don't want to get involved.��"šï¿½ï¿½ As you may have noticed, they rush out to find out the scoop, but when confronted to tell what they know they clam up. It is okay to know what is happening as long as it can be kept in the distance.

Why do people refuse to help in these cases? The answers always go to fear. What if the person come after them?

These people expect the Police to protect them, but they fail to provide the help for the police to do it. The Police can only help to the degree people help them. If no one says anything, then how can they help. They weren't there when the killing or attacks occurred.

What further amazes me is that if it happens to the neighbor who said nothing, the neighbor would be yelling at the cop to do something and wonder why the other neighbors said nothing.

I understand fear of retaliation, but who are you protecting. When people look the other way, criminals go free. Criminals who go free can always do harm. Family Violence is no different. Rage always needs some place to go.

Lives are lost every day which could be saved if people spoke out. People want safe communities, but without any price to them. They congratulate the home town heroes which do get involved and are thankful it did not have to be them. They speak to friends and family about the police not doing their jobs, but offer no help when they see or hear something which could help the police nail a crook.

Another reason people don't get involved is because of the right of privacy. Well, in the above scenario, the right to privacy was broken too by the disturbing the neighbor's peace. If that neighbor would have just reported it based on the noise which woke the person up, lives could have been saved. The neighbor had no idea for sure what was going on, but a call to police sooner would certainly have done more to help then going back to bed.

Where guns have been used in these type of attacks, stray bullets have hit others not a part of the family. Some have been known to go on a further rampage killing more people.

Family violence can overflow into the community. It is problem which is spreading and causing a whole lot of damage to communities. As long as, family violence exists within your community, you can never claim to have a safe community. There is no safety for anyone where violence is allowed to occur. If you don't get involved, you are saying that violence is okay and you accept it. You don't mind raising your kids next door to violence.

You mind gangs in the streets, but don't care about what happens next door? This makes no sense to this writer. You worry about burglars, but not the man or woman who is beating on their family. I know, it is happening behind closed doors and doesn't affect you. Well, lets hope it never happens to you. I hope you never have to be the one asking why no one came forward.

The Role of Communities in Dealing With Family Violence

Everyone has opinions on the growing problem of crime within our communities. Everyone has the opinion of what they believe police ought to do about it. I have a question for you. What are you going to do about it?

People say this is not a democracy any more. They say we don't have the right to speak out. Oh! We do have the right and are asked every time a policeman asks what we saw or what we heard. If you feel you do not have the right to speak out, it is because you have chosen not to do it.

I speak out all the time. Does it help? You bet it does. It makes me feel like a person who is taking part in finding a solution, not being part of the problem. If you want to know why criminals have more rights then victims, it is because they speak louder.

Victims are many times to weak to speak for themselves, but those who are not victims and are willing work to help them can be there voice. There just isn't enough of us.

After supplying the rest of the information in this article, lets now tackle those two questions stated earlier in the introduction.

* Should we expect the Law Enforcement, Social Service agencies, and officials to carry the burden of Family Violence alone?

I think the answer is obviously, no. We should work together with these agencies and officials to help victims in our community. By helping them; we help
ourselves to feel safe. If we can control the violence within the homes of our communities, we have a better chance of cleaning it off the streets. Violence is
like cancer, and it spreads. It feeds off itself.

When people within communities refuse to get involved in solving the crimes happening in these same communities, they give up their freedom to live
safely. If you want to be heard, you must first speak out. If you want freedom, you must first express it. Stop expecting everyone else to protect you and
start protecting yourself. Use the resources at your disposal, but be willing to work with them and not against them.

* Do we as citizens of this country and members of our community share any of the responsibility for our own safety?

Again the answer is obvious, yes. We share all the responsibility equally. If we want safe communities, then we have to be part of the solution and not part
of the problem. Getting involved may put us in an unsafe place at the moment, but we will stand proud and strong in the face of the criminals and say we
will not allow you to take control. We will not allow you to take away our freedom of safety and peace. This is our right. We need to stop giving it to the
criminals. We put ourselves and our families in greater danger by allowing family violence and other crimes to continue within our community. The
criminals can't destroy all of us. They may shut up a few voices, but more will remain.

I would rather die believing that my life and those of the other members of my community was worth fighting for then to live letting others die senselessly. We all benefit from those lives who are saved, and we all loose a part of ourselves by those who die when we could have saved them. Only the criminals win, when people refuse to get involved.