Fan Who Returned Jeter Ball is Signed by Yankees

The fan who returned Derek Jeter's ball from his 3,000th hit was signed by the New York Yankees Thursday morning. Christian Lopez dove on the home run ball in the left field bleachers of Yankee Stadium and his life hasn't been the same since. He passed on the chance to sell the ball for a conceivable six figures, opting instead to give the ball back to Jeter because "he earned it." Baseball fans worldwide were impressed and moved by the 23-year-old's selfless act. Yankee executives were humbled.

Yankee Global Enterprises, the company that owns the Bronx Bombers, decided to sign the burly phone salesman in hopes that the Yankee reputation might benefit in a similar selfless way. The 6'5" Lopez has never played a game of baseball in his life, but he was a defensive tackle at St. Lawrence University. Yankee skipper Joe Girardi is thinking of putting him in the outfield, on account of what Girardi calls, "his good hands." "If the outfield gig doesn't pan out, he can always be used to enforce the ball club's stringent grooming policy," added Girardi.

Lopez was previously offered luxury box seats for the rest of the Yankee season, but now his dugout seats are even better yet.

Lopez reported to an informal practice Wednesday night with the club. "He can't hit his way out of a wet paper bag, but he's a good kid," said the man whose ball Lopez caught, Derek Jeter, after Lopez took batting practice.

"Clearly we're going to have to work on a few things with him," said hitting coach Kevin Long. "There's a good chance that he might not see much playing time unless we're playing the Chicago Cubs."

Despite initial skepticism from the field, Yankee Global Enterprises is excited about the acquisition. "We're the Yankees. You either love us or hate us," says George Steinbrenner's son Hank. "But hopefully you hate us a little less now."

Well, at least Christian Lopez does.