Fantasy Football Sucks

It's time for some cold, hard facts. Some of those, "I don't want to hear it; hey everybody's doin' it; screw you, man" kind of facts. Fantasy football sucks. I mean it. God, I love football, and with the 2008 season about to commence, I am excited as ever. But I cringe when I think about the people I know at home or at work shoving the fantasy football crud down my throat for the next several months. You might be thinking, what's your problem? We are just trying to have fun.

Let me start by saying I was addicted to fantasy football like you. I labored through painful draft after painful draft, won/lost money and studied like a good little nerd. Then one day the football fan in me woke up and said, "What the hell are you doing !?" Seriously, you have taken this cool game and crapped all over it. This is what you did:

You Drafted

And boy did you draft. You may have drafted longer than you spent time with your kids, girlfriend, dog, etc. You sat through a draft until your eyes bled and you no longer cared who was on your team anymore. You cussed every one of your friends out at some point during the draft and you swore this was the last year. If I ever think about going to a "draft party" punch me in the face, please.

You Begged for Attention

What do you think of my team? Evaluate it please! You spent the next week showing and telling everyone about every player on your team. As if they care one ounce about anything other than their own team. But you traded listening to their lame team just so you could get some attention on yours.

Wheelin' and Dealin'

Every week some no name exploded, you and ten buddies rushed to snatch him. By the end of the year you have about 3 guys from your original draft. Oh that 8 hour draft - now it means even less. You proposed at least 5 trades during the season the equivalent of you getting Tom Brady for Kyle Boller. And when the guy turned you down, you cussed him out.

Your Arrogance Reached a Whole New Level

I mean every fan thinks he/she knows everything. But now, with your stat analysis and constant research, you think you are the god of football knowledge. Pro analysts and commentators are all complete morons and you are a genius.

You Set Up 6 TVs in Your Living Room.

And you wonder why she left you.

You Lost your Soul and Fanhood.

This is the worst offense. All others are forgivable and with time can be laughed at. But here you forgot why you started watching football to begin with. You got lost and confused. You started cheering for teams your dad would surely disown you for if he found out. And your excuse? I am cheering for the player, not the team. You said things like "Boy, I hope my rival team loses but scores 50 points and only loses by 3!" Oh buddy, there went your football soul.

I hope you take a moment to look at what this craze has done to what used to be enjoyable. You may think you do it because you love football so much, but I say somewhere along the lines you got lost. So log off for a season and try to remember the days when a good weekend was one where your team won... and that was it.