Fantomas's The Director's Cut: Good Metal Album for Halloween

If you aren't privy to the kerflooey lunacy that is Fantomas, allow me to expand your tragically narrow horizons (that sounded more condescending than I intended). This indefinable band is comprised of mad genius Mike (Tomahawk, ex-Mr. Bungle, ex-Faith No More) Patton, Buzz (The Melvins) Osbourne, Trevor (ex-Mr. Bungle) Dunn, and Slayer skinsman Dave Lombardo. Quite the combustible libation, no? They usually dabble in experimental "noise rock" that consists of disharmonic sound effects, vocal exercises in schizophrenia, and random spurts of death metal. On The Director's Cut, they combine their distinct style with the main themes from cult sci-fi/horror flicks. Interested yet?

Not every track here is a cover of a genre theme. The album opens with a deceiving take on The Godfather's infamous refrain. It begins innocently enough before fracturing into a thrashy, serrate freakout that downshifts into a hushed passage of what I like to refer to as "gondolier music." Suddenly, a strident form of opera singing is moiled up and before you know it, Patton's unmistakable falsetto croon leads us into the next track. If you're able to predict what happens next on this brindled batch of temperamental tunes upon your first listen, I'll give you a peanut M&M. No, two peanut M&M's. That's right; I'm not fucking around. Even if you find that you don't care for this record, you can't say that it's boring.

So which fright flicks does this demented soundtrack pay homage to? Among the themes covered are Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, Spider Baby, Experiment in Terror, Cape Fear, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, and many more. As far as cover songs go, these revamps remain fairly faithful. However, Patton and friends put their own twined stamp on things. "The Omen (Ave Satani)" is wreathed into a speed metal romp, while "Twin Peaks" carries a trip-hop vibe. "Spider Baby" closely resembles its original incarnation, and seems to have been recorded with Halloween parties in mind (that could be said of the entire album, I suppose).

Picking a favorite song is a grueling task. If I had to side with one shanty in particular, it would be "Rosemary's Baby." Maybe it's the hypnotic melodies, maybe it's the buttery vocals, maybe it's the fiery bloviating toward the end ("What have they done to its eyes???")...all I know is that I could listen to it 97 times in a row without growing weary of it. The bulk of Fantomas' material doesn't feature any lyrics. Sir Mike Patton thinks of his elastic voice box as an instrument, and uses it to compliment the three guys behind him. It's a formula that works, but he does trill actual words this time around. In some cases, he creates lyrics for numbers that were instrumentals by design (take the sludgy "Der Golem," for example).

Is there anything wrong with The Director's Cut? Not that I know of. The production is lustily pronounced, the concept appeals to me (no shit!), and the music speaks for itself. It's certainly the Fantomas album that I hold most dear. Dave Lombardo's drumming knows no bounds, nor does Buzz Osbourne's axework. They can play any style, and thankfully, they're fronted by an inhumanly talented troubadour that can do anything he wants to with his voice. If you dig horror films and...um, music, then there's no reason why you shouldn't check out this aural firmament. It's surprisingly cohesive for something so spacey and diverse. A funny anecdote, if I may. I once played The Director's Cut in my English class during my senior year in High School. One of the busty, braindead cheerleaders asked, "You can actually buy this stuff at a store?"