Fat and Fierce: Looking and Feeling Fabulous at Any Size (Yes, it is Possible!)

I have always been a bigger gal, yet have always given my slimmer counterparts a run for their money on a night out on the town. I have always gotten jobs I have wanted, men I have had my eye on, and have always had an active social life. There is a common misconception towards plus-sized women that we are frumpy and lonely and must have terrible self-esteems. Those misconceptions are only true if you allow them to be. Like me, you can thrive at any size, and here is how!

The first step is to make a decision that you are worthy of looking and feeling your best. Remember, people are looking first and foremost at how you treat yourself for cues on how to treat you. The one choice I encourage you to make is to know your worth is not determined by the size of your body. If you want to lose weight you can begin that process of course, but while you work towards that goal you can look and feel fabulous every step of the way. Ditch the diets, deprivation, scales, tricks, pills, and pity - aim for total body health. Do things that create a feeling of joy within you, a feeling of purpose and of enrichment. Choose to see yourself as a beautiful, whole, secure, healthy person. Don't let negative thoughts like "dance classes aren't for overweight people" or "I will look so gross working out" creep in and destroy your vision and chip away at your self esteem. Feeling badly about yourself will never get you to where you want to be. Feeling good inspires you to make choices that sustain the vision you have of your fabulous life.

Once you begin taking care of the inside you will find yourself interested in showing that love for yourself to everyone you meet. One way to do this is to become polished. This will accomplish two things. If you feel good you want to look good, when you feel you look pretty and put-together, it helps you feel good. Also, it helps dispel the myth that larger women in particular don't care about their appearance or are sloppy or lazy. No matter what size you are you can take steps to accentuate the features and strengths you were gifted with, creating within yourself and to all you meet a feeling of radiance. Some ways to do this are to have your eyebrows sculpted (plucked or waxed). Sculpted, clean eyebrows can brighten up your whole face, opening your eyes and helping your face look more bright overall. Consider a new haircut with some highlights or lowlights for fun and to help a face look less rounded. Take care of your skin, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, getting plenty of water and rest. Also, consider over the counter teeth whitening gels if your teeth are looking a bit dull. No matter what your size, your face is the first thing people see, and if what they see is a beaming smile, white teeth, beautiful hair, bright eyes it is going to be pretty difficult for them to see the flaws! The same goes for your body. A pedicure is essential. There is nothing that says 'I don't care' like a pair of feet desperately in need of some TLC. Personally, I don't get manicures but that is a preference. I do keep my nails trimmed, clean, and filed and if I am feeling risky I put a clear coat on. I keep my legs shaved, I exfoliate, moisturize, and in the summer I occasionally use a self tanner. The point is, to send a message to the world (and to yourself!) that your body is your temple. Okay, so maybe that temple is a little too familiar with Ben&Jerry's ice cream but nonetheless, you love yourself and you take care of yourself. You value yourself enough to pamper yourself.

Another concern for the big and beautiful, is clothing options. If there is one piece of wisdom I could impart to you it is this: Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it. You are not doing anyone any favors, least of all yourself, trying to fool everyone into thinking you are a size four. You're not, and that is okay! There are some styles that simply do not work for our bodacious bodies. We have to come to peace with that, and know that they barely work for the size fours. On the other side of that coin, are the floral tents some women like to pass off as casual wear. The same rule applies here as well. A garment that could do double duty as a cover for a car isn't making anyone think you are smaller. You just look like a big girl in an even bigger shirt. You deserve to look amazing, make no mistake about that, and you will.

Aim for a few things when shopping for clothing. Think tailored, not tight. Clothing should fit you and hug your curves, but not be suffocating them. In other words, you should not be having a big roll of fat over your jeans, and the buttons should not pull on your shirts. Look for clothing that fits you well without being loose or baggy and remember that you can always get things altered. If you find the perfect pair of jeans but they are too long - or for my pear-shaped sisters, the hips and rear fit well but the waist is too big, don't rule them out all together! Even the tailor at your local drycleaners can make alterations on pants, skirts, and shirt or blazer cuffs that will make your clothes look couture. A rule of thumb with color is to always go darker on the bottom, lighter on the top. This trick of the trade automatically features your best assets because most people typically are larger down below and slimmer on top. Also, it enables you to have fun with color while still wearing a slimming classic black trouser or dark wash jean. Patterns should be kept small, a large pattern on a large frame spells disaster. A camisole with tiny flowers on it coupled with a solid cardigan is a smart choice for pattern. Avoid patterns on the bottom, the exception being with spring and summer skirts (again, keeping a small pattern). An A-line skirt is a safe bet for most larger women, and something that falls just below the knee will accentuate shapely calves while hiding thighs.

Avoid trendy pieces. First of all they are designed for runway models, priced for runway models, and only look halfway decent on runway models. Seeing a pattern here? The best bet is to stick with the classics -- tailored white shirt, V-neck T shirts (which look great on full figured women, making the neck appear longer and slimmer), dark-washed jeans with a very slight flair, classic black pant, fitted lightweight blazers, feminine skirts and the like. Have your fun with accessories. I love accessories because you can wear them at any size and you can create any number of outfit and style combinations by changing up accessories. If you are tight on money, spend the bulk of it on tailored, well-fitting, quality clothing pieces that look great on you, then shop the thrift stores and clearance sections for inexpensive accessories like scarves, bangles, shoes, headbands, chunky costume jewelry, cardigan pins, and belts.

I hope I have helped to shape a new perception that looking marvelous as a woman of size is really a mindset. It is deciding to make the most of what you have, deciding that you are worth it, and taking the steps to create for yourself what you want to show the world. Now get out there with your head held high, your smile wide, and your confidence soaring and just hope the world knows what hit it!